CEOInterviews.AISession 4 (with Rosalind Fritz)

R

Robert Fritz0:00

[Music] This is Robert Fritz's Structural Consulting Channel. What this is: we present full structural consultations, ones that change people's lives. The idea behind this channel is for you to witness a completely different understanding of the human condition. Here are a few things to know. Structural consulting is not therapy. It is an exploration of the underlying structures in the client's life that produces predictable patterns of behavior.

What is structure? Structure is a combination of elements that impact each other. In these sessions, the client's structures are a combination of what they want to create, how reality actually is, and the various concepts that they have. The concepts clients have are usually hidden from them, but these concepts have impact in influencing the client's life patterns.

A change of structure will cause a change of the client's patterns. The principle: the underlying structure of anything will determine its behavior. The process involves seeing the actual patterns in the client's life, which leads to a better understanding of the client's underlying structure. The sessions last between one or two hours. We suggest that if you do decide to watch them, do so when you have time to see the entire process. If you want to see more structural consultations, subscribe to the channel. And here is the session.

Okay, so my first question is: what do you want to talk about?

C

Client1:52

Um, can I talk about anything?

R

Robert Fritz1:54

Well, you need to talk about something that you want clarity on.

C

Client2:01

Okay, so I'm really clear that I've got an oscillating pattern. I'm very clear on that. I don't know how to stop it. So I can feel, all right, look, this week I'm trying — I've got this new business that I'm trying to build up.

R

Robert Fritz2:21

What's the business?

C

Client2:23

It's the Face Whisperer. I specialize in facial expressions of emotion and behavior. And by the way, right now I'm not analyzing you, it's fine. I've got a global client — Unilever are a client of mine. I can't seem to get any other clients. So when I explain the process and how beneficial it is to businesses, people go 'wow, that's brilliant, that's amazing, that's great,' but I'm not getting any traction with it. And what I don't want to do is the same pattern as I did with my last business, where it goes really really well and then all of a sudden nothing. And I feel like I'm at the start of the pattern where everything I try, nothing works.

R

Robert Fritz3:12

Seems like that, doesn't it? How did you get Unilever in the first place?

C

Client3:18

So before I left my salaried job, I was general manager of a global research company, and he was a client from that company. When I left and started my own business, he came with me and said, 'What are you doing now? I'd love to be part of whatever you're doing.' So he became a client to my last business, and now he's a client again.

R

Robert Fritz3:42

What decided you to do this business?

C

Client3:52

I like the fact that it is unique, because I don't have much competition. In fact, in the niche that I've put myself in, I have no competition, which is a great thing in one sense, and in another sense it's — I feel like I'm doing an education work all the time. So all my posts on LinkedIn and my marketing is all about educating the reader. But I love helping people, educating them.

R

Robert Fritz4:22

Sorry — you love helping people go out there?

C

Client4:24

Yeah, I love helping people to see what they can see on the face. So educating them — the face has got so much information if you just understand what you're looking for.

R

Robert Fritz4:35

And why is that a good thing to do?

C

Client4:39

Because it helps communication. So if I know how you really feel rather than what you say, I can adapt my presentation, I can adapt my sales, I can adapt everything to fit with what works for you, and it creates this win-win outcome.

R

Robert Fritz4:59

So you're more in the know, I guess, about where somebody's coming from.

C

Client5:03

Yes, absolutely.

R

Robert Fritz5:06

And the adapting then is to create some kind of empathy with the other person.

C

Client5:20

Yeah, and a good relationship. So it's building up a relationship that's mutually beneficial — I understand you better, you understand me better, we communicate better.

R

Robert Fritz5:31

Right. Okay, why is that a good thing?

C

Client5:36

Because I think a lot of times, a lot of issues and communication problems and breakdowns in relationships are because people don't really understand what the other person wants and needs and is communicating, but maybe not with their words.

R

Robert Fritz5:55

What's wrong with people not understanding the other person? What's wrong with that?

C

Client6:03

Actually, they don't get the best out of the situation for them or the other person.

R

Robert Fritz6:07

That's an outcome, right, that you just told me an outcome. Well, what's wrong with that?

C

Client6:14

It feels wrong because we should — I feel we should understand...

R

Robert Fritz6:20

You feel that, or do you think it actually...

C

Client6:26

I think so.

R

Robert Fritz6:27

That's okay. I think maybe both.

C

Client6:31

Feelings generally are made up of thought and feeling, right? The thought there: I think as humans we should do our very best to communicate as best as possible with other people. And I — well, I think people who are ignorant and choose to be ignorant — I sound really judgmental now. I didn't — I don't even know where this is coming from. I think when you don't make an effort to really understand somebody else, you haven't got their best interest in heart.

R

Robert Fritz7:04

You're selfish.

C

Client7:07

So people should try and communicate with other people better.

R

Robert Fritz7:13

Okay, so in a better way, yeah. And the one thing that we've always got available is the face, apart from them wearing masks — but that's going now, hopefully. The one we've always got available is this communication channel that most people just completely ignore.

C

Client7:31

[Music] Yeah, I guess we have body language, which is a different thing, and some people use that I suppose to try and communicate better. So what I'm — so what I'm looking at, what I want to talk to you about then with this whole idea, and I think this is maybe what's happening — there's a should here.

R

Robert Fritz8:02

You probably know where I'm going. There's an aspect of — it's not okay with you if people don't try and communicate, because in a way you think people should. It's part of their job too, as a human, you said — a human should try and understand other people, because that would be for their own good.

C

Client8:34

Yeah, and I think it's not about influencing somebody else. It's about where they're coming from — understanding where they're coming from. And once you understand where they're coming from, whether they're fear-based or whether they're love-based or whether they're living in anger, once you understand that you can respond to them differently. Whereas if you don't understand this information, how do you know how best to respond to something? I can feel myself getting quite angry actually about it.

R

Robert Fritz9:12

Well, the 'should' comes in, I think, because what we see from you is that you have an idea of how other people should behave.

C

Client9:30

Right, clearly. Yes, that's the 'should.'

R

Robert Fritz9:36

So it's kind of like a worldview that you have, or a concept that you have — how other humans should behave if they're a human being on this planet. Right? So I'm putting it that way because that's kind of what you're saying to me. Would you agree with that?

C

Client10:01

Yeah, totally. That resonates. I've never thought of it like that before, but yes, absolutely.

R

Robert Fritz10:04

Yeah, so I want to explore that with you. So I want to discuss with you about freedom. So in a way, what you're telling me is that people, in your opinion — people aren't free if they have the ability to communicate to another person in a more accurate way, that they should do that. And what that says, that brings up this question I have for you around your view of other people's freedom to be how they are, doing what they want, communicating if they want to, doing it better if they want to. But it seems like it's not coming from you as 'they're free to do what they want' — it's you have this idea for them, how they should live their life.

C

Client11:06

Yeah, which is if they've got the means to improve their ability to communicate, they should do that.

R

Robert Fritz11:13

Which is what you've told me. Yes. How do you feel about that?

C

Client11:18

Well, I always — I'm quite proud of the fact, or have felt quite proud of the fact, that I am not judgmental. I really work hard on not judging people. But actually — that's a huge judgment, isn't it? It's a massive judgment.

R

Robert Fritz11:33

Yeah. Is that a surprise to you?

C

Client11:36

Yes, completely. To see that coming out of me, yes, absolutely.

R

Robert Fritz11:41

It's a big surprise. Is it a nice surprise or not?

C

Client11:46

No.

R

Robert Fritz11:49

So it's not good news that you realize right now that you think that way. Actually, you have to think that way. So your motive for doing this business is to change how people behave, actually.

C

Client12:09

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz12:10

And furthermore, you think they should.

C

Client12:14

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz12:15

So I want to talk to you about freedom, and I want to set my idea about freedom in a different way than most people think about freedom. You think about people going off to war, soldiers going off to war to protect America, or protect a country from another country's invasion — that's about territorial freedom, so we can be free in our own land. And also there's ideas on freedom about sovereignty — like your glasses are your glasses, not my glasses. I'm not free to have your glasses, even though I'd like to, very nice. But you get the idea — what's yours is yours. Yes, people can steal from you, but then we have rules about that and people get prevented from doing those kinds of things. So that's not the kind of freedom I want to talk to you about. What I want to talk to you about is a freedom that lives within you as a value. So I'm going to call it freedom as a value — not the value of freedom, which is different.

C

Client13:42

Okay.

R

Robert Fritz13:42

The value of freedom would be, oh, the benefits, you know, what benefits you. So it's this invisible force or invisible value that lives inside of you, that's the only new — you know, is there if it's there. So I'm going to ask you — think of somebody close to you in your life. Are they free to live their life the way they want? I mean, choose to — whether they can get there or not — choose to pursue doing their life the way they want, think what they want.

C

Client14:24

Yes, but I don't always like it.

R

Robert Fritz14:28

How is it any of your business?

C

Client14:33

Because I think I might know better.

R

Robert Fritz14:36

Yeah, which is why you started this business — because you think you know what's best for people.

C

Client14:42

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz14:43

So what you're saying then is, I know what's best, therefore they should listen to me. Right. So we have you as God.

C

Client15:04

Yes, which I hadn't realized before, but yes.

R

Robert Fritz15:11

So if you think about your business, you think about what you're wanting other people to say yes to. It's not that you're just sharing a good idea and you want to pass it on — you actually have a concept. And you've read Robert...

C

Client15:34

Yes, concepts, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz15:36

So you have a concept that people should do this thing because it's good for them.

C

Client15:41

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz15:43

So you're really a good person, up to no good.

C

Client15:47

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz15:50

Yes, because the energy coming from you is, yeah, do what I tell you because it's good for you and I know what's best for you. And you're not really free — really you should, because you should live life according to how I'm saying you should. That's what we have here.

C

Client16:08

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz16:09

And that's, you know — I mean, I'm saying that to you, but I got that from you. Can you see that?

C

Client16:18

Really clearly now, yes.

R

Robert Fritz16:21

I don't want you paying lip service to me.

C

Client16:24

No, no, I can really see that, really strongly. So I've been sending out some sales emails today, and I can feel the energy of that — that actually, manipulation. Yeah, 'why are you not answering my emails?' This is what they feel like. You're telling them how to live their life. That's the energy they're getting out of it. I can feel that energy.

R

Robert Fritz16:47

You can resent that.

C

Client16:48

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz16:49

And they're likely going to say no to you.

C

Client16:51

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz16:52

Well, they don't — I'll show her, I'm going to say no. How dare they just ignore me. Or they just ignore you.

C

Client17:00

Yeah, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz17:02

So whenever you have a bee in your bonnet about — I can use any English expressions with you, it's great — whenever you have a bee in your bonnet about something, you think how other people should be in life. And separate from preference — should is different than preference. Preference is tea or coffee — take it or leave it.

C

Client17:30

Well, I prefer coffee — that kind of preference.

R

Robert Fritz17:35

What you're saying to me was, you should do this because it's good for you. So you should drink this drink because it's good for you. Yeah. So you're deciding how other people should live their lives. But when you look at it, that's rather shocking for you to know about yourself.

C

Client17:53

Yeah, very. Which is actually good news in a way, because if you weren't shocked and say, okay...

R

Robert Fritz18:00

She just thinks people aren't free. End of session. So I'm going to ask you — when I ask you the question, are people free to live their lives the way they want, or when you're — when this person that you are close to, are they free to live their life the way they want — you said yes, but I don't like it sometimes, what they decide and what they think. And I asked you, in reality, is it any of your business? Can you answer that again?

C

Client18:36

It isn't any of my business because they're adults. So it isn't any of my—

R

Robert Fritz18:41

You just gave an excuse for them though. Why do they need an excuse for you to recognize their freedom?

C

Client18:49

Um, because I don't like what they do.

R

Robert Fritz18:54

That's why. Okay. Well, you may not like what they do. You're free to have your opinion. But it's more than opinion here. If you have an opinion, you can have your opinion lay alongside — they're free to live their life, and they don't have to listen to you, they don't have to do what you think is good for them, because you have freedom as a value for them. So from inside of you, out towards them, you have freedom as a value for them. Actually, inside of you, you do, because otherwise you wouldn't be horrified about seeing you've got this big 'should' going on.

C

Client19:42

Yes, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz19:46

So I want you to say out loud, so I know you're saying it to yourself actually: people are free to live their lives the way they want, and it's none of my business.

C

Client19:58

People are free to live their life the way that they want, it's none of my business.

R

Robert Fritz20:02

True or not true?

C

Client20:05

It's true. I still don't like it.

R

Robert Fritz20:09

I like it but it is — I do believe it.

C

Client20:11

It is true, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz20:12

So you do have that for them. You do have that for them.

C

Client20:18

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz20:19

Yeah. I do have that, I totally do have that. So you're not living in alignment then with that value that you actually have.

C

Client20:29

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz20:31

So you're kind of going through the world, kind of tilted, because you're not coming from that.

C

Client20:37

Yes, yes.

R

Robert Fritz20:38

It's not like you're putting out something that might be good for people and letting the chips fall — the message is you should do this because it's good for you.

C

Client20:47

Yeah, and that feels totally different. It's going to solve the problems of the world.

R

Robert Fritz20:53

So along with that, you're also problem solving.

C

Client20:57

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz20:58

Attempting to, yes.

C

Client21:01

Yeah, it's totally different energy. When you just said that, then I could feel the difference. So you said, this is good for you, and it's out there, take it or leave it — or what I currently have had, which is, you should do this because I know it's good for you, why aren't you doing it, you're an idiot.

R

Robert Fritz21:21

So you've become like their dictator as to how they should behave in life.

C

Client21:26

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz21:27

Because they got born on planet Earth.

C

Client21:29

Right, yes.

R

Robert Fritz21:31

Listen to her, she knows what's best for you.

C

Client21:38

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz21:42

So that's really pretty clear then, isn't it, what's going on.

C

Client21:46

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz21:51

Do you know — I mean, if you think about all the people in your life, can you genuinely say that they're free to live their life the way they want and it's none of your business? Is anybody that sticking point?

C

Client22:09

Um, so there is someone that — I do genuinely feel they are free to live their own life, it's none of my business.

R

Robert Fritz22:17

Okay, I want you to — and will you take away from 'feeling' okay? Because I want to plant you in reality. So I want you to know what reality is, not feel what reality is. There's a huge difference. Because feelings can come and go like the weather, as we know — one moment you're feeling good, next moment not. Thoughts come in that affect our feelings and so on. But reality is reality whether you see it or not. So I want you to know what reality is, if you want to, that is.

C

Client22:52

Yes, yeah, I do.

R

Robert Fritz22:54

Whether you want to see reality, but here's an opportunity for you to really stand on reality rather than where you've been.

C

Client23:04

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz23:10

Yeah.

C

Client23:11

It really is none of my business. I do completely believe that, that is the reality. It is none of my business. And they're free to pursue them.

R

Robert Fritz23:22

Yeah, feel free to do whatever they want to do. Can I ask who that person is?

C

Client23:27

Um, my daughter.

R

Robert Fritz23:30

Your daughter. And what's she done?

C

Client23:32

She is in a relationship that I don't think is particularly good for her.

R

Robert Fritz23:37

Ah, okay.

C

Client23:38

And nobody does — it's not just me, nobody. Everybody's got the same opinion.

R

Robert Fritz23:43

Yes. Yeah, this jerk, right? How old is she?

C

Client23:48

27.

R

Robert Fritz23:51

Okay, and how long has she been with him?

C

Client23:53

Nearly three years.

R

Robert Fritz23:56

Sounds like a pretty solid relationship.

C

Client23:59

Well, she has been back and forth home. She's not here currently. She's been back home for the last six months until about a month ago.

R

Robert Fritz24:09

Yeah, so do you give her advice then?

C

Client24:12

Yes, I do. I'm not even going to lie about that, I do. For her own good. Because, you know, I try really hard to not be judgmental and I try to say in a way, look, you're always free to come back, you do what you want to do, you're 27 years of age, you're an adult, you can do whatever you want to do. But, but, but — people can change, absolutely can change. But there's a lot of issues between the two of them, a lot of issues. And neither of them seem to want to change, so that's going to create a pattern they've got.

R

Robert Fritz24:55

Let's have a look at it. This question I have for you: is she free to be in a bad relationship?

C

Client25:00

Yes, she is.

R

Robert Fritz25:02

Any of your business?

C

Client25:04

No.

R

Robert Fritz25:05

Apart from—

C

Client25:07

Sorry, go ahead.

R

Robert Fritz25:08

Apart from the fact that...

C

Client25:10

I end up picking up the pieces. So that's where I feel it is my business, because she comes home from time to time, she becomes a burden.

R

Robert Fritz25:18

Yeah. In reality, do you have to pick up the pieces?

C

Client25:22

No, I don't. In reality, no.

R

Robert Fritz25:24

So you're not really a victim to it then.

C

Client25:25

No, I choose to.

R

Robert Fritz25:27

Because what you just did was, you know, 'poor me, I have to pick up the pieces.' In reality, you don't have to do that.

C

Client25:33

No.

R

Robert Fritz25:34

It's your choice. You could choose not to.

C

Client25:38

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz25:39

Okay, so you're not a victim then.

C

Client25:41

No.

R

Robert Fritz25:43

As much as I'd like to be, I know I'm not a victim of that. I'm not, yeah, because what we do sometimes is we look at the consequences of people that are close to us, their actions, and then we say, 'Oh God, I have to now help them out.' I have to, have to, have to. In reality, you don't have to.

C

Client26:05

No.

R

Robert Fritz26:06

But we do that, don't we? We say yes when we don't.

C

Client26:10

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz26:11

Which actually, in saying you 'have to,' then gives you permission to interfere.

C

Client26:18

Yes, yes, because it's like it's not only their lives they're messing up, it's mine too.

R

Robert Fritz26:24

Therefore, yeah, very much so. We're off to the races with saying they're not free to live how they're living and choosing who they choose.

C

Client26:34

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz26:35

And it's actually not true that it's affecting your life, because you can say no.

C

Client26:39

Yeah, I can choose not to be part of it.

R

Robert Fritz26:41

And that's not to say that — you're free to have your opinion of this guy and you have an opinion about her choice. It's separate. So you've got — if you draw a line, you've got a piece of paper there, you draw a line down the center of the page...

C

Client27:05

Yep.

R

Robert Fritz27:06

And put 'freedom' on the right-hand side. And then write her name — is free to live her life the way she wants, and it's none of my business. Can you just write that down? You don't have to give me her name, that's fine, just write down her name for you.

C

Client27:29

Yep.

R

Robert Fritz27:30

Is free to live her life the way she decides, and it's none of my business.

C

Client27:47

Okay, okay, that's...

R

Robert Fritz27:50

I want you to mark 'opinion' — sorry, heading saying 'opinion' on the other side, on the left-hand side.

C

Client28:01

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz28:02

In my opinion...

C

Client28:04

In my opinion, she's choosing the wrong person for herself.

R

Robert Fritz28:17

Yeah.

C

Client28:18

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz28:19

So when you look at those two statements, can they live together?

C

Client28:24

Yes, absolutely.

R

Robert Fritz28:27

Yeah, absolutely. So both the reality — because you do have freedom as a value inside of you, so in reality your freedom as a value exists.

C

Client28:42

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz28:45

So I'm not at all trying to take you away from your opinion. You're free to have your opinion, which you're going to have.

C

Client28:55

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz28:56

So in reality you have the opinion and in reality you have freedom as a value for her.

C

Client29:04

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz29:05

Right, so those things can live side by side.

C

Client29:08

Yeah, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz29:10

And another piece of freedom is, I'm free to say no to looking after her.

C

Client29:20

True or not true? Yeah, that's very topical, yeah, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz29:25

So you're off the hook.

C

Client29:26

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz29:27

You can fire yourself as a mum.

C

Client29:30

That would be very nice.

R

Robert Fritz29:33

Well, your responsibility — not that you've ever had to look after, really, because you know many women decide not to look after children, but you did. And legally your responsibility ended at 18, right? Is it 18 in —?

C

Client29:49

Yes, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz29:50

So 18, that's it, she's out of the nest. Birds and animals don't seem to have any problem with that, but humans do.

C

Client29:58

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz30:05

So when you think about your daughter, and when you did try to change her mind or have her think differently about this guy and stuff, I'm going to call that a kind of manipulation — trying to manipulate her out of how she's thinking about it or her choice.

C

Client30:28

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz30:30

And the motive for that, I would suspect, is the fear you have for her about what can happen to her and her future.

C

Client30:42

Yeah, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz30:44

And you probably imagine the worst.

C

Client30:46

I should imagine.

R

Robert Fritz30:48

Do you do that? Do you have that?

C

Client30:52

Um, yeah. Well, he's proved himself to be the worst as well.

R

Robert Fritz30:56

Right, but so he matches your pictures that you have of bad things happening.

C

Client31:01

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz31:06

So do you find yourself having imaginary fear about the future?

C

Client31:13

Yeah, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz31:16

And you probably do about this business that you're in right now, too.

C

Client31:19

Right, yes, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz31:27

So those pictures you have, they act as ways to manipulate you into action to prevent those things from happening.

C

Client31:42

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz31:44

Yeah. But when it comes to my business, those imaginary fears — I think they paralyze me rather than goose me into action. Or they goose me into action like sending those emails out today from the wrong energy.

C

Client31:58

Yeah, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz32:01

So, yes, you're doing like a shotgun approach kind of, in the hope that it's going to work, people are going to say yes to you.

C

Client32:10

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz32:11

So are people free to say no to you?

C

Client32:12

They are.

R

Robert Fritz32:14

Any of your business?

C

Client32:15

No, it's none of my business.

R

Robert Fritz32:17

Does that upset you, people say no to you, or has it done in the past?

C

Client32:22

What I wouldn't say was 'upset' me. It was more like, I just can't believe people aren't taking attention to this. I just can't believe people aren't biting my hand off for this stuff.

R

Robert Fritz32:34

Right, because it's such a good thing. They should.

C

Client32:37

Yes, absolutely.

R

Robert Fritz32:43

Yes, it must be disappointing somewhat, then, when people don't.

C

Client32:46

Yeah, very.

R

Robert Fritz32:47

Why would you want people saying yes to you if they don't want to say yes to you?

C

Client32:56

Now I want them to say yes because they want it as well, and they can see how important it is.

R

Robert Fritz33:03

Are they free to see it as unimportant?

C

Client33:06

Well, they are now. They weren't.

R

Robert Fritz33:11

Yeah.

C

Client33:12

I never picked up on that, but actually I believed they should see it as important as I have felt it is, as important. And actually the fact that they didn't made them idiots.

R

Robert Fritz33:26

Right, which is not true. Rather than reacting to energy coming out of you, which is, 'I know what's best for you, you should live life my way, it's for your own good after all, so therefore you should say yes.'

C

Client33:39

Yes, absolutely. Very much that. Very much missing that. Yes, I'm all of that.

R

Robert Fritz33:47

[Music] Yeah, more for you, right?

C

Client33:50

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz33:55

So gosh, we kind of got there pretty fast, I think, about what's going on.

C

Client34:02

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz34:05

And I think this is really the major reason why your business isn't surviving as well as you want, and possibly how the other one didn't either, because if you weren't in touch with that concept that you had going on...

C

Client34:26

I thought the concept I had going on was 'I'm not good enough' — that's why it wasn't working.

R

Robert Fritz34:38

Well, that's, you know — that's, yeah, if you want to beat yourself up, right?

C

Client34:42

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz34:44

That kind of helps a bit, because we don't like not having a reason why things happen.

C

Client34:52

Yeah, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz34:54

Not knowing is something that human beings hate. So then we make stuff up.

C

Client35:05

Yes, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz35:06

So you just had your head really filled with this concept, and you've kind of been servant to it in your oscillating.

C

Client35:26

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz35:28

So in a way, you've had a job to do, which is to serve this idea that people should really learn from you how to communicate better. And if the whole world communicated better, then, you know, the whole world would be better off, people would be happier, everybody would be understood, and it would be so great.

C

Client35:46

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz35:53

So is the world free to go to hell in a handbasket?

C

Client35:56

The world is completely free to go to hell in a handbasket.

R

Robert Fritz35:59

If they want to. Any of your business?

C

Client36:02

None of my business.

R

Robert Fritz36:05

None of my business.

C

Client36:06

No.

R

Robert Fritz36:07

Yeah, I mean, that's separate from we actually love the world and we love people, we love the planet. So I can still do what I'm doing, it's just not with that energy anymore, not with that concept in the way. Would you want — I mean, here's really the thing — would you want people to say yes to you if they really didn't want to do it?

C

Client36:36

No. No.

R

Robert Fritz36:44

So if people don't want to learn how to communicate better with you?

C

Client36:52

Absolutely fine with me now.

R

Robert Fritz36:56

Okay, you froze a little bit then. You said, 'It's absolutely fine with me now.'

C

Client37:01

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz37:02

So the next time you talk to somebody about your business, you won't have that going on — that they should say yes.

C

Client37:10

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz37:13

Which is very freeing. I mean, people really feel free around you, you know.

C

Client37:17

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz37:19

Yeah, I actually can feel that shift. That actually, you know, I'll probably send the same email tomorrow but it'd be from a very different energy.

C

Client37:27

Yeah, it's not the action of sending out information about what you do. It's the energy that comes with it.

R

Robert Fritz37:38

Yeah, you do this. Yeah, it's quite massive actually. I just never ever picked up on that before.

C

Client37:46

But makes perfect sense now.

R

Robert Fritz37:49

So the next time you're talking with somebody, knowing that they're free to disagree with you, free to say no to you, there's your real communication right there.

C

Client38:03

Yes, yeah. Yeah, it feels now that there's no... the way I was like, 'you've got to do this' and that doesn't feel like that's just like, here it is, entirely up to you whether you're interested or not. That's the difference.

R

Robert Fritz38:28

Yeah. And you've kept your opinion intact. You think it's a good thing.

C

Client38:33

Yeah, and you want to share it.

R

Robert Fritz38:36

Yes, I absolutely do believe it's a great thing to know when to use to help people.

C

Client38:44

So that is my opinion, that's the reality.

R

Robert Fritz38:49

Totally free. They weren't but they are now.

C

Client38:56

I just never ever picked up on that. I'm very pleased to release the energy of what I was holding on to because I think in now... I trained as a counselor and psychotherapist 20 years ago and then I went into market research. And believe it or not, I could improve market research now with hindsight with what we've just talked about. I could do it better. And 'people are idiots if they don't do it my way because I know much better.' Right.

R

Robert Fritz39:24

Yes, I have students as you probably know. I have students which I'm teaching structural consulting to. And in the old days, to begin with, I used to read them the riot act because they weren't doing their homework. And I thought, why am I doing that? You know, let them learn if they want to learn. It's none of my... they learn if they want to learn. I can't let them because that means if I'm giving them permission then I can take motivation. But they're free to learn or not and it's none of my business.

C

Client39:58

Yeah. And that was just so freeing. I also got that their responsibility was to learn if they wanted, and it was my thing to teach.

R

Robert Fritz40:12

Yes, but it wasn't my responsibility that they learned.

C

Client40:14

Yes, that was incredibly freeing. Yeah, my students are free to learn or not learn. Because before that I was like chasing them and saying, 'where's your transcript? No, I need to give you some feedback.' Yeah. I was horrible. I think I've probably done it all my adult life. I had my children quite young in my early 20s and I think I did the same with them as well. People weren't free to do what they wanted to do. It always had to be my way because I knew better.

R

Robert Fritz40:51

Yeah. So I'm really glad you did this. This is terrific. I'm really glad. Thank you very much. I'm just going to go through your pattern with you.

C

Client40:59

Yes, thank you.

R

Robert Fritz41:00

Yes, please. Do you think we're done as far as... it feels like it. You've got reality.

C

Client41:09

Yes, I do, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz41:11

Can you... one... yes, sorry, go ahead.

C

Client41:15

I'm just gonna say the reality is I can still have my opinion that I think what I do is really great. But if other people don't want it, that's also fine now. It's their business if they don't want it and they don't see the importance like I do. That's fine, they're free to make that choice now.

R

Robert Fritz41:33

Yeah, isn't that terrific? Yeah. That's lovely. There's no disappointment because you wouldn't want them saying yes to you if they didn't want it, right?

C

Client41:43

No, absolutely not. No, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz41:50

So I got you two stories. Well, the first story about your business which you gave us, so I'm not going to read it out. I think it's a little long to read out. But you know it already anyway because you gave it to us.

C

Client42:10

I do.

R

Robert Fritz42:12

And right now I'm just going to give you the dysfunctional one and it's a generic story. It's a generic pattern from the story and what I want you to do is, I'm going to read you the thing and then we're going to go over it again using another story of yours without you telling me the story but just thinking about it.

C

Client42:36

Okay. That makes sense, yes.

R

Robert Fritz42:38

Okay. So first box is desire, and then you feel overwhelmed and unclear. And then you set up a structure. Things go well. Increased commitment. After time, something changes and things get worse. Try to fix it. Nothing works. Things get even worse. You're bewildered. And then you quit, I guess. So I want you to think of... don't do your second company because you haven't... no, something that has a beginning, middle, and end. Another story where you wanted something, you took action to get it and you ended up either you quitting or they quitting or whatever. Each step doesn't have to be you doing it, somebody else could have done it.

C

Client43:51

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz43:52

Okay, have you got one?

C

Client43:55

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz43:55

Okay. Did you have a desire?

C

Client43:57

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz43:58

Did you feel unclear and overwhelmed? Or either one of those separately?

C

Client44:08

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz44:09

Did you set up a structure?

C

Client44:12

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz44:13

Did things go well at first?

C

Client44:16

Yes, very well.

R

Robert Fritz44:17

Did you have an increased commitment?

C

Client44:20

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz44:21

After time, something changed and things got worse.

C

Client44:24

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz44:25

You tried to fix it.

C

Client44:28

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz44:29

Nothing worked.

C

Client44:31

Yep.

R

Robert Fritz44:32

Things get even worse.

C

Client44:35

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz44:36

You got bewildered and then quit.

C

Client44:39

Yeah. Totally that.

R

Robert Fritz44:42

Great. So then, can you think of another story?

C

Client44:46

Well, I'm married. I've been married twice.

R

Robert Fritz44:53

Okay, but you're married now to the same man?

C

Client44:54

Well, I married my... so my first husband, that whole pattern happened not long. In the narrative, my second husband, after 11 years the same thing happened. And we have got back together again.

R

Robert Fritz45:10

Oh okay. But there was a definite quit.

C

Client45:13

Yes, we were separated for the end. We separated for a year, so I've done it twice in a marriage.

R

Robert Fritz45:19

Okay. Can you think of something other than the marriage then? Maybe another job or a relationship or buying a car or something, it doesn't matter.

C

Client45:32

Job. Job, I've done it, yep.

R

Robert Fritz45:36

Yeah, I think... you think of the job story then. You had a desire.

C

Client45:39

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz45:39

You felt overwhelmed and unclear.

C

Client45:42

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz45:43

Set up a structure.

C

Client45:45

Yep.

R

Robert Fritz45:47

Things go well.

C

Client45:51

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz45:52

Increased commitment.

C

Client45:52

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz45:55

Yeah, after time something changes and things get worse.

C

Client45:57

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz45:59

Trying to fix it.

C

Client46:01

So after time something changing got worse was... my manager changed so things changed and it got worse.

R

Robert Fritz46:08

Yeah, doesn't matter who does the change. Did you try and fix it though?

C

Client46:13

Yes, totally.

R

Robert Fritz46:14

Nothing worked.

C

Client46:17

Nothing worked.

R

Robert Fritz46:17

Things get even worse.

C

Client46:19

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz46:20

You're bewildered.

C

Client46:21

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz46:22

I can't understand it.

C

Client46:23

And I quit. Yeah, so that's the same... that 'can't understand it'... yeah. That you had with the current... you're not understanding why people are saying no.

R

Robert Fritz46:34

Yes. Yeah, that's a very big pattern in my life. And it's happened with cars, lease cars, even. It can happen in a five-minute telephone conversation.

C

Client46:46

Yeah, it has. No, because probably the relationships... I don't know how long they were each. The two relationships before you got back together with your second husband, how was your first marriage?

R

Robert Fritz46:59

We were married for 11 years. And I left him.

C

Client47:03

And then, actually after 13 years, I left my current husband for a year. We did eventually get back together, but yes.

R

Robert Fritz47:13

And the job.

C

Client47:15

The job, that was over a space of three years.

R

Robert Fritz47:19

Okay, the last one. From... how long was that job? How long was that company that you had?

C

Client47:34

Three years.

R

Robert Fritz47:36

Three years. And what about... oh, do we have another story where it was longer or shorter? So you've given us examples then: three years, 11 years, 13 years.

C

Client47:52

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz47:54

I can't think of a shorter one off the top of my head.

C

Client47:57

Oh, it's okay, but there probably will be one, I'm sure. Actually there is, I can think of one. I met a lady at networking and followed this whole pattern with her. Even thought about starting a business and then I became overwhelmed and just, no. There's a problem, I tried to fix it and then I quit.

R

Robert Fritz48:23

Right. Yeah, totally, that is total pattern. And that was open space for about nine months. Yeah, so I think it's great that you know it now. Terrific. You see what's going to help you live in a resolving pattern though, knowing that inside of you you have freedom as a value alive and kicking. How are you feeling about having been structurally consulted? How's that for you?

C

Client48:56

It's fascinating because I would never... as I said to you earlier, I class myself as a really non-judgmental person. I've worked really hard to be what I think is non-judgmental. When all the time, I trained as a Samaritan's volunteer, so listening to people on the phone, you know, no matter what they've done I could listen, I could have an opinion, and I did that really well. But only I think in that right... that's more peace and I thought I got that throughout my whole life and I really hadn't.

R

Robert Fritz49:28

Right. What is the difference between prejudice and judgment, prejudgment and judgment? So you are free to judge people. The way you do is that... I mean, as far as your own freedom to...

C

Client49:46

I try not to judge people. I try to take everyone as I find them and I really work hard on that.

R

Robert Fritz49:54

Yeah, but you know that you're... so you're trying to do a number on yourself about how you're supposed to be then, right? Are you trying to manipulate yourself out of what your thinking is?

C

Client50:08

Yes. And I think I've got this ideal that I should be a good person. To be a good person, you shouldn't judge people, you should be open to who they are and listen to what they've got to say.

R

Robert Fritz50:19

Well, maybe that's another session. Maybe. Yeah, so what's... I mean, we probably won't do it now but maybe we could go round two and see what that's about. Because I had... you did have in the first session you beating yourself up for how you were being.

C

Client50:45

Yes. Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz50:48

So you think you should be a good person?

C

Client50:53

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz50:55

So there's something wrong then with when you see yourself judging people. That's you being a bad person then.

C

Client51:01

Yes, yeah. Bad people judge other people.

R

Robert Fritz51:07

So do you think you have an opinion about yourself then?

C

Client51:13

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz51:15

Do you think you're a bad person?

C

Client51:18

I think I might be frightened that I'm a bad person. I don't actually think I particularly am compared to what everyone else is, but I think I might be frightened that I'm a bad person.

R

Robert Fritz51:31

What would be wrong with you having that opinion of yourself?

C

Client51:42

People wouldn't like me. I wouldn't like me.

R

Robert Fritz51:46

So in order for people to like you, you have to do the right kinds of things for them to like you then. Otherwise they wouldn't like you.

C

Client51:57

And if I'm not a good person, then I can't be here. That's what came to me. I can't be here. I have to be a good person to justify my place.

R

Robert Fritz52:09

Huh. So in being a good person then and adopting the right behavior is like redeemable value to actually being alive on the planet. So in a way then you're paying for your existence by being good.

C

Client52:36

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz52:38

So you're trying to justify your existence. How's that? How can you do that? How does that work?

C

Client52:49

It's quite hard. Doing good things over here leads to justifying your life. I mean, in reality it doesn't, but I feel like it does.

R

Robert Fritz53:02

Yes, it doesn't really make sense. No. Okay, so is it actually doable then, to a certain extent? And can you justify your existence?

C

Client53:14

Yes, because I'm a good person.

R

Robert Fritz53:17

Well, that's what you've been thinking as a question. Yes, that's the way to justify it. But can you pull it off actually?

C

Client53:25

No, because it's hard work, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz53:28

You'd be exhausting, wouldn't it? Yeah, it is exhausting. Really be prodding yourself to be good all the time and beating yourself up when you're judgmental and all that stuff saying that I can't be like that. So you're doing a number on yourself then.

C

Client53:45

Yeah, but if you have to do it all the time, it means that it actually in the end not doable, right? Because the ceiling's too high.

R

Robert Fritz53:50

Yeah, you'd have to make sure you don't fall off your own pedestal, you know, of goodness.

C

Client54:00

Yes, all the time, yeah. And then when I do fall off, because I occasionally do fall off, it becomes a massive fall.

R

Robert Fritz54:08

Yeah. And you've blown it then.

C

Client54:12

Yeah, totally.

R

Robert Fritz54:14

Speed up redeeming yourself even more, I suppose.

C

Client54:18

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz54:20

So it's not really doable.

C

Client54:22

No, it's not doable.

R

Robert Fritz54:25

So I want you to say out loud. We go again. I cannot justify my existence.

C

Client54:30

I cannot justify my existence.

R

Robert Fritz54:33

True or not true?

C

Client54:36

True.

R

Robert Fritz54:39

Can you say it again?

C

Client54:41

I cannot justify my existence.

R

Robert Fritz54:46

So why can't you just exist then, the way you are, warts and all, you know, the good, the bad, the ugly?

C

Client54:54

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz54:59

Are you free to choose to live your life the way you were?

C

Client55:04

No, I wasn't. But I think I might be.

R

Robert Fritz55:09

What's reality though? Are you free to choose to live your life? Choosing, I mean, you don't know whether you're going to get where you want to go, but...

C

Client55:19

I haven't been free to choose my life, right, because I've always had to measure up to this in my head.

R

Robert Fritz55:25

So you've got this ideal of how you should be.

C

Client55:29

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz55:31

In order to justify being here.

C

Client55:35

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz55:35

So you were afraid your hand would come down and pull you out of life?

C

Client55:40

Yeah. Yeah, and I think, good enough... well, yeah, I do think that, you know, back to my childhood and my payback, I guess.

R

Robert Fritz55:49

Yes, yeah.

C

Client55:52

I very much believe that.

R

Robert Fritz55:52

So if you won the lottery you'd have to give back the money then?

C

Client55:56

Yes. So I did something I wasn't proud of quite a few years ago and that's what led me to being a volunteer at Samaritan's, I think, now in hindsight, because I felt I had to give back.

R

Robert Fritz56:09

Do you think that's part of why you're doing this business too?

C

Client56:17

As a means of paying back your existence? Maybe, I don't know.

R

Robert Fritz56:26

Because you... I mean, I think it's such a good thing, you know, if people...

C

Client56:30

Yeah. I enjoy it and I'm passionate about it, but it could be that again. It could be.

R

Robert Fritz56:38

Anyway, yeah, absolutely, it could be a resolving pattern too, you know.

C

Client56:44

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz56:44

So it's not doable though, justin... no. So are you free to live your life the way you want?

C

Client56:53

Yes, I am.

R

Robert Fritz56:56

Good or bad.

C

Client56:58

Yep, whatever.

R

Robert Fritz56:58

Right, you're free to be a bad person.

C

Client57:00

Yes. Gonna be a struggle, but yes, I am free to be a bad person.

R

Robert Fritz57:07

I was gonna say, none of your business, but... what kind of is my business, but... yes. Okay, so what you just said, 'I cannot justify my existence,' about six times, please.

C

Client57:22

I cannot justify my existence. I cannot justify my existence. I cannot justify my existence. I cannot justify my existence. I cannot justify my existence. I cannot justify my existence.

R

Robert Fritz57:41

Yes. Your existence is unjustifiable. How's that? How do you feel?

C

Client57:48

It feels weird. But it feels freeing again, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz57:52

Yeah, it's probably disorientating.

C

Client57:55

Yeah, I do feel like, what's going on here.

R

Robert Fritz57:59

Yeah, but is it true nevertheless, no matter how you feel?

C

Client58:01

Yeah, it is true, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz58:04

Your feelings, you know, they were matching the old you, and sometimes to match the reality... yeah, that is the reality. I cannot justify my existence.

C

Client58:16

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz58:17

So you're free to choose your life where you want. Yeah. So we found another place here where you're serving a concept.

C

Client58:28

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz58:32

So actually, I think that's probably more dominant, actually, because I'm thinking that if you can have people say yes to your ideas, that makes you a good person, which leads to you trying to justify your existence.

C

Client58:48

Yes, I think so.

R

Robert Fritz58:50

Can we have... yeah, what do you think?

C

Client58:54

Yeah, I think so. I think it that runs through absolutely everything. Everything. I have to be this good person.

R

Robert Fritz59:12

Yeah, so being... and if I do something I'm not happy with, then I have to atone for it in a big way.

C

Client59:18

Right.

R

Robert Fritz59:20

Right, to justify my still being here.

C

Client59:23

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz59:26

Yeah. So, and do you believe in God by the way?

C

Client59:29

I believe in the universe. The universe, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz59:33

So...

C

Client59:36

I was brought up though in a religion that was very much good and bad. Right and wrong were very, very much drilled into me.

R

Robert Fritz59:44

Right. So if you think about the universe, is the universe... do you have to serve this universe? Are you a slave to this universe or do you think the universe actually is on the side of 'you're free to live your life the way you want'?

C

Client1:00:11

I think I have to serve the universe. I think if I... I actually said to my daughter today, because her boyfriend's done something that I don't agree with, I said, 'Well, the universe pays you back.' I actually said that. The universe will pay him back.

R

Robert Fritz1:00:29

Yes, you're giving... it's another manipulation of yours to give pictures of negative consequences so that people toe the line.

C

Client1:00:39

Yeah. I do believe that I have to toe the line too. Absolutely. I'm scared to not toe the line because I'll get paid back in some way.

R

Robert Fritz1:00:49

Yeah, well, that's your imaginary fear stuff.

C

Client1:00:52

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz1:00:53

Yeah. Yeah. That's what kicks in, the imaginary fear.

C

Client1:00:57

Keep you in line.

R

Robert Fritz1:01:00

Yes, to be a good girl. Be a good girl, and then if you're a good girl, you're allowed to exist. Or you deserve existence anyway.

C

Client1:01:06

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz1:01:10

And if you don't do that, something bad's gonna happen.

C

Client1:01:13

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz1:01:15

Yeah, and life will fall apart in some way.

C

Client1:01:20

Yeah. Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz1:01:25

Yeah, I think that's bigger actually. Taken on a lot. Wow. Do you... how strongly do you realize that all that is... excuse my French.

C

Client1:01:41

Well, I can see it now, but it's just been how I've been for the last 51 years.

R

Robert Fritz1:01:47

Right. I can see now in reality it is total... right. So it's rather like if you were telling yourself your eyes... what color are your eyes?

C

Client1:01:57

Green. Green.

R

Robert Fritz1:01:58

If you... oh yes they are. If you were telling yourself your eyes were brown, and then you looked in the mirror and people told you what real colors look like and you realize, oh no, they're not brown, they're green, would you go back to telling yourself your eyes are brown once you knew what reality actually was? Well, that's what's on offer here. Yeah. In this session.

C

Client1:02:27

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz1:02:27

Do you want it or not?

C

Client1:02:30

Absolutely, totally, totally want it.

R

Robert Fritz1:02:33

Okay.

C

Client1:02:34

Okay, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz1:02:34

So that's when you know, when Robert says 'reality is your friend,' you know this is what's on offer. Yeah. Is to really stand on the earth, two feet on the ground, knowing what reality is. Because you've read Robert's books, haven't you? I think, or you've had...

C

Client1:02:54

Yeah, I know where attention is.

R

Robert Fritz1:02:57

Yes, I've just reread Your Life as Art, actually, this last week.

C

Client1:03:00

Okay, so you know structural tension. Here's what I want. This is what I have.

R

Robert Fritz1:03:06

Yeah.

C

Client1:03:06

So it's really important that you know what reality shifts to what you want. If you don't know what reality is, you can't get there.

R

Robert Fritz1:03:14

Yeah.

C

Client1:03:18

Yeah, you just oscillate. You know, I can see the oscillating throughout my whole life. I can see that really clearly. But I didn't know where it was coming from.

R

Robert Fritz1:03:29

Yeah. So you've put yourself in service of the universe.

C

Client1:03:35

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz1:03:37

So then that's your master. Yeah. So you haven't been free to choose to live your own life, good, bad, it doesn't... you know, you've had to be a good girl. You've had to help people.

C

Client1:03:50

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz1:03:52

And in doing the job of helping people, you've inadvertently not seen them as... or not recognized your own true values, which is a value that actually is there.

C

Client1:04:10

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz1:04:14

So people have had to, you know, get on the stick and be good people too.

C

Client1:04:20

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz1:04:21

Yes, wants them to be good people, then that adds more value to you as a good person. And you justified your existence. And if you don't, then all hell can break loose.

C

Client1:04:35

Yeah. Which is back to imaginary fear.

R

Robert Fritz1:04:38

Which is back to you trying to control everything.

C

Client1:04:43

Yes. And controlling how my life goes.

R

Robert Fritz1:04:46

So in reality, can you control how your life goes, given you don't know with any certainty what's going to happen next?

C

Client1:04:56

No.

R

Robert Fritz1:04:58

Yeah. Best of luck.

C

Client1:05:01

But yeah, I know.

R

Robert Fritz1:05:02

Yeah. It's... I mean, you can control some things, but you know, you're going to only know in hindsight.

C

Client1:05:09

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz1:05:12

Yeah. With that, you're absolutely knowing with certainty. So can't know what you don't know, can't control what you can't control. So what you must have had going on then is the world's dangerous.

C

Client1:05:32

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz1:05:33

And so you really had to be on your best behavior.

C

Client1:05:38

Dangerous place, if you don't behave well, exactly. That's what I mean.

R

Robert Fritz1:05:42

If you're not on your best behavior, if you're not the good girl, then life's gonna get you. The universe is going to do something negative to you.

C

Client1:05:54

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz1:05:58

Yeah, and that's been you... that's the fear that's been running you.

C

Client1:06:01

To manipulate you, yes.

R

Robert Fritz1:06:04

Into making sure you're a good girl and making sure you're helping people. And then it would be really important for you for people to say yes to you.

C

Client1:06:14

Right.

R

Robert Fritz1:06:16

Yeah, because that justifies everything then.

C

Client1:06:18

Exactly, yeah. It gets the job done. Justifies my existence and I'm being good at the same time.

R

Robert Fritz1:06:25

They have a job to do. Other people have had a job to do, which is to say yes to you, because then you do good in the world, then you're a good person, then you're fine to be here, and nothing bad's going to happen.

C

Client1:06:37

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz1:06:39

Yeah.

C

Client1:06:43

Yeah. So... yes, circle.

R

Robert Fritz1:06:46

Yeah. Cool.

C

Client1:06:50

Yes.

R

Robert Fritz1:06:52

I didn't know any of that.

C

Client1:06:52

Yeah, you see it now though, right?

R

Robert Fritz1:06:54

You did, yes, really clearly. Everything leads to another thing, isn't it?

C

Client1:06:57

Really clearly, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz1:06:59

And how disappointed you'd be in people saying no to you.

C

Client1:07:03

Yeah, because they're your fodder, if you like. They're your resource for getting that job done.

R

Robert Fritz1:07:13

Yeah.

C

Client1:07:15

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz1:07:16

That's really powerful. So how do you feel right now, having gone through all of that?

C

Client1:07:26

Because I'm a bit further than... yes, I feel a bit like that disorientation, yeah, a little bit.

R

Robert Fritz1:07:37

That's a good thing.

C

Client1:07:38

Okay, good, good.

R

Robert Fritz1:07:40

Yeah, because there's a huge change of thinking. It's bound to wobble your brain a bit, you know.

C

Client1:07:48

Yeah, that's how I feel. My brain's been wobbled.

R

Robert Fritz1:07:53

But in a good way.

C

Client1:07:53

As in, I almost feel like I just shed about 30 pounds off my shoulders too, actually.

R

Robert Fritz1:08:00

Funny enough, you're looking slimmer right now. I mean, I don't know whether it's my illusion, but you seem to be lighter.

C

Client1:08:10

Yeah, I feel like my shoulders have been hurting up until this point and my shoulders don't hurt anymore.

R

Robert Fritz1:08:17

I'm not surprised. You're carrying all that burden of having to do, do, do, do, and have everybody else do, do, do, do.

C

Client1:08:26

Yeah. That... I feel like they've dropped about three inches too.

R

Robert Fritz1:08:34

Yeah. Yeah, you look very much, you know... so now you're in touch with reality, game over, right?

C

Client1:08:40

Yes, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz1:08:44

Yeah.

C

Client1:08:46

You can't do this on your own. Even though I've read Robert's books and watched the YouTube videos, it's hard to do on your own. You don't know what questions to ask yourself.

R

Robert Fritz1:08:57

Yeah.

C

Client1:09:00

You can get to a certain point I think, but you can't really get to the good stuff like you've done. I once tried to structurally consult myself and I was just so off track.

R

Robert Fritz1:09:11

Because the structure wants to hold on once...

C

Client1:09:16

Yes, yes, of course.

R

Robert Fritz1:09:17

Yeah.

C

Client1:09:18

Yeah, that makes sense.

R

Robert Fritz1:09:21

Well, that was brilliant. Thank you.

C

Client1:09:23

That's welcome. I'm glad you... we carried on. And yes, we don't have to do another session now because it's all of a piece.

R

Robert Fritz1:09:30

Yeah.

C

Client1:09:30

Yes, that's a big piece as well, I think.

R

Robert Fritz1:09:34

How did it feel for you being structurally consulted, actually, if you could let me know?

C

Client1:09:43

It didn't feel as invasive or as intense as I thought it was going to be. I was a bit concerned that it would be like, oh, you know, is it going to be hard? Am I going to be able to answer the questions? I mean, this could be my good girl stuff coming through.

R

Robert Fritz1:09:59

Well, beginning of this session?

C

Client1:10:01

No, not right now.

R

Robert Fritz1:10:02

Yeah, no, no, no, now.

C

Client1:10:04

It's a really enjoyable process, actually. It's a really enjoyable process because it's... and it was easy. It was easy. It felt easy to come to where we've got to.

R

Robert Fritz1:10:19

Yes. If I told you, you probably wouldn't have believed it.

C

Client1:10:24

No.

R

Robert Fritz1:10:26

No.

C

Client1:10:27

No.

R

Robert Fritz1:10:28

It felt easy and very powerful.

C

Client1:10:34

Very powerful. Yeah, you know, you do look lighter. You do look relaxed.

R

Robert Fritz1:10:40

Good. Yeah, so you're feeling kind of free.

C

Client1:10:43

You can't... yeah, I'm gonna freak everybody out now around me. Like, what happened? Where did the control freak go?

R

Robert Fritz1:10:56

Yeah. So yeah, I mean, you were actually a great client. You know, I think it's terrific. Thank you.

C

Client1:11:03

Thank you. Very easy to work with.

R

Robert Fritz1:11:06

Thank you.

C

Client1:11:08

Yeah, I didn't know if it would be a difficult process. That was my concern. Would it be a difficult process? Would I not understand? Or would it be difficult for me to go through the process? But actually, not at all.

R

Robert Fritz1:11:20

Yeah, we were very clear, you and I. Especially, you know, doing the pattern stuff and giving me stories is great. Very valuable.

C

Client1:11:32

Thank you.

R

Robert Fritz1:11:32

So do you feel cooked? Does it work? You feel done?

C

Client1:11:36

I do. I feel very done.

R

Robert Fritz1:11:38

Thank you very, very much. Yeah, my head's still a bit wobbly, but it's a good wobble, I think.

C

Client1:11:44

My advice to you is not to go straight into a party right now.

R

Robert Fritz1:11:48

No, no, I'm not doing anything now.

C

Client1:11:50

Time off, you know, maybe half a day before you actually get into work again, or just a few hours anyway, sitting just with yourself.

R

Robert Fritz1:12:01

Yeah.

C

Client1:12:03

Because it is, I mean, it's a real change.

R

Robert Fritz1:12:05

Yes, it is. Massive, yeah.

C

Client1:12:08

Yeah, that's what we mean by a change of underlying structure. This is what you've been through. So, yeah.

R

Robert Fritz1:12:17

Um, some people might not understand when you tell them about it. You know, it's tricky for them to understand it actually. But maybe later on you can point them in the right direction to see it, only if you want them to. I mean, if you want to understand, you can view the session or whatever, you know.

C

Client1:12:42

Yeah, because it's tricky to explain.

R

Robert Fritz1:12:44

Yes. Change happened, you know.

C

Client1:12:47

Yeah.

R

Robert Fritz1:12:48

I'm gonna say goodbye.

C

Client1:12:50

Okay. Thank you very much. Thank you.

R

Robert Fritz1:12:53

Bye bye.