The mindset I had to create my dream life! Coffee mornings with Caroline EP 2

So welcome back to episode two of "It Was Meant to Be" — coffee mornings with Caroline. But now I'm thinking it should be "In Bed with Caroline" since we're just in bed. You'll feel like my girlfriends. Here's Taz, he's the only man with me right now. I've got Bella and Taz.

T is not the only man with you. I'm still here. I'm leaving. Bye. He just wants to listen to what I'm talking about. So you guys really loved the last one, so what I thought I'd talk about this time is I spent a week sort of in events in Dubai, and it's been really nice. It was actually something that I've avoided for quite a long time. Just because — hang on, my dog is panting like anything and this room is so hot, it's like a little hot box. I'm just going to put the air conditioning on. Basically, I have lived in Dubai a very long time, but I kind of stayed out of the scene just because there's something about life here that you can get on this rat race of going out all the time. There's something to do every single night, and you do have to be selective or you get complete burnout.

The trouble with people — I remember when I moved here, everyone was going, "What are you going to do in Dubai?" You know, nobody — well, it was 12 years ago, so it wasn't as busy as it is now, or technically 11 years ago. And no, "You're going to miss everyone, no one will visit you." Well, let me tell you, since I've moved here, I can't get rid of people. I'm going to have to close down Shadow Caroline's guest bedroom and somehow let people know that this is not a hotel. Or I could just judge people for staying here, which obviously is a joke. I know some of you don't get these sometimes. So anyway, what it is, is lately I decided — I don't know, because I also went through quite a lot leaving and breaking up with my ex-husband and moving on and all of that kind of stuff, and being judged. What is judgment? What is being judged by people that don't know you, but they think they do, or they know part of your life? I get it all the time: "Oh my God, you're so much nicer than I thought you'd be," or "You're not the same," or "You're so down to earth." I get that as soon as people meet me. But the stuff I hear behind my back from people that I've never met — "Oh, she left London because of this," or "She ran away because of that" — none of which is true. I left London purely because my show had finished, the business had ended, and I was like, if I'm going to move or ever make a move, now is the time. The kids are young enough to move. That's what I always say to you: if you ever get an opportunity to start a new life, sometimes you should do it. People view that when you've grown up with them or you've been around the same people for years, they view it as running away or something happened, absolutely, because they fear change. They wouldn't do it or don't know how to do it or can't unravel their own lives to do it, so it's very scary to them. So obviously the only reason we'd do it is if we were running away from something. But that's absolute BS. Actually, I think that is changing a lot now because people are seeing that it's BS and that most people want to try a new life. It's a wonderful thing to be able to get up and decide to start your life again in many different ways — be it place, be it relationships, be it friendships. I've always said you can change friends too, nothing wrong with that. Change is really good and the only way to grow in life.

So anyway, what I was trying to say is I kind of avoided the whole scene here because I get — the great thing about the way I live is I've gotten a limited amount of fame, which is a nice amount of fame compared to other famous people I know that can't even walk down the street. I don't have that problem. I can go to the mall, I can go to the supermarket. People are very sweet, but it's not like a giant rush. It's not a giant sort of rush at me. People are respectful. And now after all these years of doing this, and I think with the podcast which is exploding right now, I think the judgment is going and appreciation is happening. I'm really seeing it from people that I don't know, I never thought it would come from, and I'm so grateful for that. I was out at one of the most amazing Dubai events the last four days, and the effort that people came to make to come up and welcome me and Sergio into the celebration and the party. We didn't know that many people, but these are really powerful people in the community, and they really held their hand out and made such an effort to make sure that we were welcome and tell us how much they wanted us there. One of the husbands actually put his arm around me and said, "You inspire many, many people." I couldn't believe it because husbands especially — after I broke up with my husband, I felt like husbands really judged me. Like, "Oh my God, here she comes, now she can't be friends with my wife because she's going to tell my wife to leave for a 20-year-old husband" — all of that, which was never my thing. I'm definitely not wandering around telling people to get divorced. I'm an advocate for marriage, but the right one at the right time. By the way, that doesn't mean that my marriage wasn't the right one at that time. He was the right one at that time for me. We have beautiful children. I don't regret one minute of it. I don't know if he'd feel the same or not, I don't ask, but we have a very good relationship today and it gets better and better. I'm really working on it, and the better it gets, the easier it gets for all of us.

I think the most important thing now is to understand how it is to be appreciated for the work that I've done. I was sick of people saying that I either inherited it, my dad gave me an office, my podcast is a success for this or that or whatever. Nobody really handing you something and saying, "Well done." I know it sounds ridiculous, but sometimes we all need a pat on the back, even if it's one from ourselves. The podcast has really been something for me because it's been a thing of trial and error. I don't know anyone that's done a podcast. It's not easy. They always used to say to me, the first — I think it was the first 15 — if you can get over the first 15, then it's okay. But try coming up with topics every week and then talking to yourself like this. I'd never done that. The podcast is now over 12 million downloads, and the views that you guys are giving us now is insane. I'm so excited that this will be my legacy. I really hope that I'm changing perception of how marriage should be, what it looks like, how women are valued, what is acceptable, what is not acceptable, ageism. I faced a lot of that on my show, which is ridiculous considering most of the people that watch Housewives are in their 50s. I've succeeded, I've failed just as much as I've succeeded, and I've risen again. I'm having a complete rebirth right now. Not only am I rising to these heights that I didn't think I would get to, but now — what do you say? You have to speak what you know to be true. So I am now speaking that I absolutely am worthy of all this because I put in the hard work. That's all. Not because I grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth, but because I put in the hard work and did the grind every single day. I've never stopped, even when it went wrong. I never stopped. I continued. That's what most people don't do, and I think that's one of the most key things. If I could tell anyone, just because one thing fails doesn't mean that everything in your life is over. I think that's a very easy mentality to get into: "Why me? This didn't work, I'm not going to try again." You can't do that. That will never be rewarded, and it gives you that scarcity mentality, which I speak about a lot because it really holds you back. The only person that it will hold back is you, while everyone else flies around you. Why do some people make it easily and others don't? Who knows. Not your problem. I've had highs and lows, and it's very easy to collapse and think that the world owes you something, that everything is so hard for you. That is a terrible cycle to get into. I take it another way: "Okay, well that didn't work. What can I do now to hustle?"

I think people are genuinely seeing — I heard this quote the other day: "Everybody's jealous of your life, not how you got it." That's absolutely true. In the past few years, you saw me go from rental to rental, live in my friend's house, do this house. No one saw what was happening in between. We lived out of our suitcases, stayed on the floor of this house while we built it. But then suddenly you all saw we bought Barley, we bought an apartment, and we renovated this. That's where we were. That's why the lifestyle wasn't there before, because everything that we earned or that was coming in went to other places. You have to cut off somewhere. You can't have the lifestyle, the huge apartment, the other huge apartment while you're renovating, pay a mortgage, pay renovations, and still have a full-on big lifestyle — not unless you have endless pockets of cash. So something had to give. That's why we spent three years renting and building, and then living in a friend's house, which I think is completely normal. I think it's what other people do. I don't know why I got judged so much for it. "Oh well, there they are, they're on the breadline." Everyone's on the breadline when they're renovating a house and building stuff. But that's judgment again. Now, the house is here, Barley's here, we're building, and people are believing in us. The new car is on the forecourt, and everyone's looking at us like, "Wow, now everyone's appreciating it." It kind of pisses me off in another way because as a person I haven't changed. I'm exactly the same person. It's just I've got a Bentley outside. I don't know why that makes me a better human, but anyway, if that's the way you're judged, okay great. How sad. But at the same time, I do understand that people here kind of want to know successful people. So if you don't have that illusion of success — I've never been one to need to fake it. It is what it is. I've never tried to live beyond my means. I have kids, I'm not going to take those risks. I'm risk averse. Everything we're building in Barley is being done this way by us because at any given time if we want, we can pull out. We don't have huge investors coming in and telling me that I have to do this and have to do that. I've created a life now where I'm fully in control of it. Is it scary? Is it a lot of work and overwhelming? Absolutely, of course it is. But at the same time, it's very rewarding because Sergio and I are completely in control of our own destiny. As I said, if I don't want to pay a bill this month in the hotel, we simply stop. It's that easy. That's a perfect way to be.

The importance of acknowledging in life and feeling valued by other people — I know it shouldn't have any importance what other people think, but it does feel very nice to finally be recognized for all the hard work I've done. I get told all the time that I help women, and frankly that gives me the biggest boost to go on. If you're never getting any recognition for the work you're doing and you're constantly being berated, it's like kids. I do need a tap on the back. I do need someone to say the podcast is amazing, keep going, because it does take time. Nothing is an overnight success. You want to give up in many different directions, but I'm here to tell you don't give up. It's funny, it's taken 11 or 12 years of being here, and finally Sergio and I are being really appreciated. We are literally feeling the love from everyone, and it is so nice. You need to find internal motivation to continue until people do recognize you, because it takes time. People love to knock you down and then come and say, "Well, you're still here." I'm like an old pair of shoes. I've been here a long time. I can't understand why suddenly now I'm so popular, but I'll take it. I'll absolutely take it. Why not? I have so much gratitude for all of you out there that make the effort to comment, to subscribe — please do that — and that have joined me on this journey. I know that you're all excited to watch Barley unfold and all the new stuff that's going to come. These little snippets, it's just so nice. I'm going to spend more time on YouTube because I can see that you guys really are enjoying it. I'll give you more advice on how to do things, but really the most important thing is to feel supported by your family. The great thing about Sergio is no matter what, he's my biggest cheerleader. Even if I mess up on something, he tells me why it's okay. He relieves all that anxiousness of "Did I do good? Was I bad?" He always makes me feel like I'm up here. Even if it's not true, it doesn't matter because my family thinks it's true. Once you have that, you can do anything. You can fly.

I'm doing my new vision board today because quite a lot in my life has changed. We got an offer on the house in the UK, Gemini, so that would be exciting. We're starting to build the new apartment this week. I'm hoping to get all of you — you wrote in and said that you want to come and stay in Shadow Caroline. It's not a shadow, it's a cute apartment. I'm making a mini apartment to look like my house. We're in Architectural Digest today, so that's a huge win. I feel very grateful for that because my house — I still can't believe this is my house. I just love it so much. I know it's not the biggest house I've owned, I know that some of you are like, "Oh, it's this," but it's the coziest house I've owned. It's got the most love I've owned, and it's the happiest I've ever been. That's really enough. Look at that little view. I'm in my little room and it makes me just beyond happy. I've got my little fur babies there, they are always with me. Honestly, that's all you need. The amount of love — whereas people doubted my relationship and everything that I could build with a 24-year-old, now seeing six years on how much Sergio has flourished, and he flourished because of my encouragement and acknowledging him. No one can perform if you berate them. Ladies, it doesn't matter where your man is from. If he has a good work ethic and he wants to go to work and he wants to help, I suggest you encourage somebody. If you encourage him, he'll have bad days. Sergio's definitely done some stupid things, like when he invested in some crypto guy that literally stole God knows how much from him. But it's a learning curve. There's no point getting upset because at the end of the day, we have our health, we have our love, we have our house. Karma comes back to bite you in the ass. We are genuinely happy. All I can tell you is ladies, grab onto your man, acknowledge him, be grateful. Most people don't get a second chance in life. Pick the life you really want. Be careful what you wish for — that's one of my biggest things. Create a beautiful, happy life yourself. There is nothing better than waking up and feeling love and happiness. See you next week for "In Bed with Caroline" or "Coffee Mornings." Actually, you guys should tell me which name you like better: "In Bed with Caroline" or "Coffee Mornings with Caroline." I kind of like both, but I could get out of bed. Let me know where you'd like me to be next. Bye! Subscribe.