Jason Fox0:00
For me, it was the toughest thing I had to deal with. It wasn't the gunfights; I found those therapeutic. It was an escape from real life. Hi, I'm Jason, and this is what I learned from my battle with PTSD.
I was a soldier for 20 years, and for a majority of that time, I was someone that was a big non-believer in PTSD and how people were affected by stressful situations. Because I'd been in those stressful situations, and as far as I was concerned, there was nothing wrong with me. I felt like I was coping with it.
Fast forward a few years, and I'm eating the biggest slice of humble pie. I was in the middle of a gunfight, taking cover in a ditch, and whilst I was doing what I needed to do, I was suddenly overwhelmed with an emotion. It was obviously fear, but it manifested itself in a way that was completely alien. I just wanted to be a ten-year-old boy again at home with my mum.
It was a reality check, really, but it was one that was probably the start of me realizing that this thing called PTSD, or mental health, whatever you want to call it, was real and existed in all of us.
My military career came to an end probably about two years before it was supposed to. I had a 22-year career, but I ended up getting medically discharged at the 20-year point. My diagnosis with PTSD, my mental health got a lot worse after I'd left because of that lack of identity and loss of belonging. And actually, that's when the journey really did start, to be fair.
I struggled with suicidal thoughts. I stood on top of a cliff at one point, contemplating throwing myself off. It was a moment where I was like, 'Hang on a minute, things have got that bad.' But then, what is it? Do I need to throw myself off, or if I turn around, what do I do? What do I need to do to stop this being an issue? And it was about being honest with myself, honest with my feelings, honest with who I was, and looking at what I needed to do next to move forward.
PTSD, mental health, is a part of being human. It's a journey; our lives are a journey, so it's just part of that journey. I then moved on and met other people and started to speak to them. As I started to talk more and more, I started to feel better about myself because I was actually being honest instead of trying to hide something. Once it's out there, you don't need to worry about hiding it.
I found it very therapeutic just to talk, let alone actually look at what I needed to do to make myself a more positive individual. I consciously acknowledge my emotions. If I wake up in the morning and I feel down, I look at why I feel down and look at what I need to do going forward to make myself feel better.
Whether that's going to the gym or having a nice bowl of cereal, it doesn't matter. It's about acknowledging your emotions. A mental battle, although it's not visible, can be probably the toughest thing anyone can deal with. However, it's all about how you want to deal with it.
