Straight Up | How I Do It All - Nancy Reyes

I had worked at Goodby Silverstein & Partners for the past ten years, based out of San Francisco. I just put my head down and did my work. One day I was pregnant and I left the agency to go on maternity leave. It was during the Christmas party, which is a big time — for many reasons, some of them dirty — but it's also when they announce Employee of the Year and partners and all that sort of stuff. I'd been out for six weeks, my daughter was six weeks old, and I'm like, I'm not going there because you know what you look like after that. They kept saying, 'Come, you should come.' And then you think, I would really like to go because I haven't had an adult conversation in a long time — or a drink — and if I time it properly, I could pump before I go. So I went, and at this party they named me an associate partner. I remember thinking, I cannot believe that in this day and age, when oftentimes you do feel like 'wow, I am a woman in this room,' that they would name me that when I was gone for six months. I felt like, what an honor, what a privilege, what a recognition of the work I had done. So I felt very connected to this company. I put my head down, did some more work, and worked really hard.

Then we got pregnant with our second, and my husband and I decided it was best to move back to New York because our families are here. It's really difficult to raise children when you don't have a support system around you — any mother could probably tell you that. So we decided to move. When I told the agency I was moving, I had already accepted a job with this wonderful woman. And you know, Goodby doesn't have an agency in New York. I said, 'It is what it is, thank you for my time here, I will forever be indebted, but it's time — I have to pick my kids.' And they said, 'Well, hang on — what if we open an agency in New York and you run it?' And I said, 'Okay, listen, totally fine, I love you guys, I will always love you, but I'm going to move to New York, no need to do that.' 'No, no, seriously, what if we did that?' And I mean, you can imagine how I felt — it was just a rush of emotion. They became serious about it, and I said, 'If you mean it, you'll put a real creative powerhouse in there with me in New York.' And they did. I was like, my gosh, this is really happening. So of course I said yes, let's do this thing. We just launched maybe a couple of weeks ago.

We were getting press, and Fast Company wanted to do an interview. This was last Friday. I should have told you that I work a four-day work week — that's another thing the agency has always been happy to have me do. The thing with the four-day work week is that you have to actually have a four-day work week. I tell people, 'I don't get paid to work five days, I get paid to work four days.' When you tell people that, it makes all the difference. So it was two Fridays ago, and my daughter had a birthday party at a gymnastics place. I'm going to the party, it's going to be over at four, and I'll be home in time for a 4:30 interview with Fast Company to talk about the launch of this office. For somebody who has really put their head down the whole time, this is such a big deal to me. I can't believe anybody would want to talk to me about anything.

So as a mom, you learn to tell your kids — give them notice of when things are happening. You must never spring something on your children because then the tantrum ensues, and it's horrible. So I say, 'Lillian, listen, Mommy has to leave right at four because we have to go home, Mommy has a very important call.' She's like, 'Yeah, yeah, okay Mommy, no problem.' I say it again once we arrive — 'Mommy has an interview, so we have to go at four.' 'Yeah, yeah, Mommy.' And she's jumping around having a great time, 'Look, Mommy, look at this, look at this!' She's having a blast. And I get a ping on my phone that says the interview is now at 4:15. Oh my God, I will not make it home in time. The place is about twenty minutes away. I need the interview to be at 4:30, but that's the only time they can do it, and everybody is really interested in this interview happening.

So the party's running late. It's about 4:05 and the whole time I'm sitting there being like, 'Serve the damn cake.' I mean, right? Don't act like we're not here for the cake. So finally the cake comes out and my daughter is like, 'Mommy, they have a truck on the cake! There's vanilla on the cake and there's chocolate! Oh, Mommy, how did they know this is my favorite flavor? Mommy, Mommy, the cake, the cake!' Just beyond excited about the cake. By the time they sit down and plate the cake and the kids are ready to eat, it is 4:15. And I sit there and I'm like, oh my God, what am I going to do? And I'm panicked and I'm trying to figure it out with my husband. You know how it is — you try to figure it all out and project manage your day, which is [__] because that never works. And I sit there and I look at my kid who has chocolate all over her face — she could not be happier — and I say, my kid will eat the [__] cake. That's what's going to happen right now. My kid's going to eat the cake, [__] the interview.

And she ate the cake. It was 4:30, I got in at 4:45 or so, and then I still got on the phone and did the interview. But I guess the point of all of those examples for me has been: I pick my kids first. I always pick them first, and it seems to work. That doesn't mean I'm going to miss the interview all the time or go to every gymnastics party — obviously I haven't done that. Sometimes it's like, 'Mommy has to work, Mommy has to pay the bill so you can go to school.' So you know, I have to work five days a week this week.

The choice won't always lead you to the thing that you think it will. So when women get up here or talk to you and say, 'Family first,' it doesn't mean that you abandon the job. It really does mean that you put your kids front and center, and you'll be surprised by the choices that you make. And when you surround yourselves with the right people, like everyone's been talking about, I think you could also be surprised at how well people respond to those kinds of choices and how much you get rewarded for making those choices. Because I've never been unclear about that choice. I've always felt like the priority has been my kids — therefore I will move, I will leave the company for the kids, I will work four days a week for the kids, I will miss an interview for the kids, and I will miss a birthday party for the kids because that meeting is very important. So I think I've been lucky enough to be rewarded for making that choice and being clear about that choice and that priority the entire time.