I am so excited for this episode today with my amazing friend founder and CEO of Bumble, Whitney Herd. These next few minutes together are going to be magical. If you need to reignite inspiration, get unstuck, and write your own rules in life and love, this episode is for you. Whitney's story of ups and downs, of being on top and on bottom, and building her own mountain again will shake your shoulders and wake up your unstoppable power.
So sweet of you, thank you. I'm so happy to be here. Thank you for having me. What an honor. I absolutely adore you. There's nothing better than connecting with a true friend over some coffee and a microphone.
I'm honored you're here. You are someone who, before we started, said nothing's off limits. Have you always been this way? How do you speak your truth with full transparency and confidence?
Well, first of all, that's such a compliment. I think we are all inherently deeply authentic people, but then we choose to put on a mask to protect us from judgment. I realized after I left Tinder that there were so many times I was not authentic to myself. I promised myself that I'm not always going to be the best, win, be loved, or accepted, but the one thing no one can take away from me is that I'm always going to be me. I think it's a commitment to fall back in love with that authentic version of ourselves.
And the stuff of if someone doesn't get it or approve, you're over that. The feeling of who I truly am is where your power is. I'm not going to pretend I don't care what people think, but I don't shame myself for having hurt feelings. I just look at it and accept it. There were years of my life where all I cared about was what people thought, and it was a full-time job draining me physically, spiritually, mentally.
I'll share one thing. I've come to realize that self-worth does not equal net worth. On paper, at my wealthiest according to society standards, I was spiritually the poorest I've ever been. That's important for people to know—that's not where you get your worth.
What an incredible gift you've gotten to see all sides so you can say that for sure. So many people think when they get that thing, they'll feel enough. You've gotten a whole lot of things, and it's not surprising to me because I've had similar experiences.
I want to dive into something you just said. So many people struggle with people pleasing, imposter syndrome, thinking if I'm the real me I won't be loved. You said it's a full-time job. With everything you've built with Bumble—congratulations on being back as CEO—you've helped millions find relationships. On the outside, everyone sees Whitney Herd as an iconic visionary, but your journey has not been easy. It's easy to think your past defines your future, but I'm excited you opened us up to this. Can you share how the journey at Tinder wasn't what you expected?
Yeah, so to touch on what you said, I'm still on my journey, so I feel like I can say this with a sense of we're in this together. I don't think I've arrived at my final destination. I'm 35, so I hope there's still a lot ahead.
There's so much more coming up in this episode, but first I wanted to share this with you. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams; you stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. That's why I wrote my new book 'Worthy: How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life.' In 'Worthy,' you'll learn proven tools to get unstuck, build unshakable self-love, overcome limiting beliefs and impostor syndrome. Get your copy at worthybook.com. Also, sign up for my free weekly newsletter at jamiekernlima.com.
And now more of this incredible conversation. Can you share how the journey there wasn't what you expected?
Yeah, so if I sat down and put the 10 worst days of my life on a piece of paper, without those days I wouldn't be here. The hard parts were the good parts because without them you don't get to the next stepping stone. I believe setbacks are happening for a reason. When I left Tinder, I had a choice: feel devastated or learn from it and take what almost killed me and make us stronger. What didn't kill me can make all of us stronger. At Tinder, I had differing opinions with leadership. I don't talk about those people because I wish them love and light. I was 24 when I left, and it was a very contentious exit leading to a very public lawsuit. I woke up to headlines that turned my life into a narrative. The internet attacked me, turned me into a scorned woman. At 24, it was all over. I retreated to Uggs and staying inside. I had nothing—my title, contributions, friends were gone. But it was one of the best things that ever happened to me because when your dignity and perceived self-worth are taken, you realize you have nothing left to fear. That's where the magic started. The space was cleared.
How long before it happened and you got to the point where you knew that? You went through so much online hate, death threats, rape threats. How long did that go on and how did it impact you before you realized you were going to turn it into something for the greater collective?
If my memory serves me, the lawsuit was public by the end of June 2014. I had left the company in April 2014. Some of the darkest months were April to June. Then the lawsuit launched, and I turned 25 a week later. I was not allowed to be 25; I had to be a strong warrior. I existed in two realities: one of pain and trauma, and one of courage. I started Bumble, and it was live in the app store by December 1, 2014. So I had to keep going in forward motion. It was a blessing and curse—I had to just keep going.
I want to call something out. When something horrific happens, some people want revenge. But you took that thing and instead of revenge, you asked how can I make this better for everyone? That intention of doing something greater than yourself is key. It's one of the biggest keys to success and fulfillment. It's moving the mindset from me to we.
Candidly, that was what drove me every day, just like it drove you. You weren't selling a solution for yourself; you did it for everybody else. I was so tired of seeing images that didn't look like me. It was bigger. You can't truly understand connection without having felt connection.
