SiriusXM CMO Denise Karkos shares how to coach confidence

Thanks so much for having me, Don.

Yeah, the very first job I got coming out of Notre Dame was working for an out-of-home media company. I'm going to say Notre Dame degree and you got to learn how to staple faster and staple better. I stapled like diagonally and my boss hated that and coached me on how to staple the way she wanted it. I remember those days in the bathroom just crying, getting beat down for a bad stapling job and not typing fast enough. But that was just a way to get my foot in the door, and that was the first and only time I actually used a resume and a temp agency to get a job. Every job I've had since then has been about relationships, not resumes. It's relationships. If you can build a group around you, people who want to help you with your pursuit and what's next... People are... beers, whatever it was, and let me understand what you do. Talk to me about you. Who doesn't want to indulge in that? Make it easy for them. I have a lot of friends who have children coming out of college and they don't know how to navigate it. Some show up super prepared, and those are the ones that I'm going to endorse and sponsor. And some show up looking for me to do the work. That's never going to benefit them. Serve it up, make it easy, make it about them, and build those relationships. That's a never-ending task. I still continue to spend a lot of energy there. And by doing that, I was able to spend a very short period of time in that job and move over within the company to a better job, and then ascending jobs from there.

Yeah, I think you come out of high school, you have your buddies, you go to college, you form your new groups there, and then all of a sudden you go into the business world and it's like square one again. How do I build my tribe? How do I really understand how people tick and how I can influence the things that I want to influence? It became for me a very important part of the equation to not just generalize and try to treat everyone the same and come at everybody as this extroverted body that is Denise. I got along with him, I had good meetings with him, but my gut told me that I probably wasn't like an A-player in his mind, and that's never going to suffice for me. So I watched who was very successful with him. Who was he saying, 'Hey, let's go and grab a bite at lunch and let's talk about the issues a little bit further'? Who's he wanting to spend time with? Whose office was he popping into? It wasn't mine. So I went to the person who was the beneficiary of that good relationship and said, 'I need to be a little vulnerable right now. I'm observant of how successful you are.' To honor gives specific feedback you can apply immediately. Denise, I think you were the person in front of the class raising your hand first, answering all the questions, and that got you so far. What is rewarded now, and definitely under this person, is asking the next five set of questions. He values deep thinkers, people who are curious. Next time he asks you something, ask three questions in return. I started doing it and everything changed. He saw me as an intellectually curious person rather than someone who's a tactical person answering the question the fastest. Be observant, be vulnerable, and then seek specific feedback that you can apply immediately.

Couldn't agree more. It is a two-way relationship that both require work.

It's so important that people are embracing who they are naturally, building your own personal brand and leaving a mark. When I talk to kids and try to understand how to best mentor them, what I really lean into with them is how they show up in that moment. I pick apart... Are they communicative? Are they passive? Are they introverted? All of these things can be wonderful traits, but own them. Own them specifically and know that this is the brand that you're going to build and work on. And when your name comes up on someone's phone, you never want to be the one that's like, 'Oh, this person's a pain in my...' If you can't get someone to answer your call or take a meeting, you're never going to advance. Being a natural extrovert, I was doing a pretty good job of alienating introverts around me. Wow, that is not a good thing, because what I really value is having introverts close to me because they're deep thinkers. My executive coach said, 'Denise, every time you get up in front of your team, you pull out the driver. Every now and then, a wedge is just fine. It's just fine.' I think about it all the time. So I'm very aware of showing up and matching the energy of the people around me so that I can create an environment for them where they can really shine. Be an introvert or an extrovert, that's the energy that people around you don't always pull out the driver.

You're not always open to learning more about yourself as you evolve and how to fit in or decide to move on if someplace is not for you. I think that's critical to always be open to feedback. I've done that formally and informally. The formal track: an executive coach who has helped me originally to come on to help me really manage team presentations. How does my leadership team and I interact with each other? How do we get the most out of each other? Because through my career, I've had a lot of opportunity to merge teams from business acquisitions: TD Ameritrade and Scottrade, or TD Bank and Commerce Bank, or now Sirius XM and Pandora. I was massively observational about my leadership style. He was keeping notes and had some feedback for me that then began the personal executive coaching. He would come to my team meetings, he would come to my town halls, and he would give me feedback gems like the one I told you. We have a saying around our organization that feedback is the breakfast of champions.