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Ramit Sethi
Author and Host, I Will Teach You To Be Rich; Host, How to Get Rich (Netflix), Ramit Sethi

“Is our relationship going to end on air?”

📅 Jan 07, 2025 I Will Teach You To Be Rich 78 MIN 226274 VIEWS 468 SEGMENTS · 3 SPEAKERS
Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich talks to Justin, 38, and Maggie, 34, who have a growing tension in their relationship—her hesitation to combine finances. Maggie spent her twenties traveling the world and is now laser-focused on building her future, while Justin shares her love for travel but envisions a future together. With Maggie making life plans that might not include him, Justin is left feeling hurt and uncertain. Can they bridge the gap and take their relationship to the next level? 💡 RAMIT’S PODCAST NEWSLETTER I share new ways to think about money every Saturday. Get the ema...

Questions asked in this interview

12
  1. 0:52I was like, where do I fit in on this?
  2. 3:37We are going to be moving next year and the question is, what can we afford?
  3. 13:50He's like, well, where do I fit into that plan?
  4. 14:20And how can I put my name and or our names together on anything?
  5. 19:37Sleep, eat, work out. What else?
  6. 25:45I do believe that, you know, yes, I've been reading your book and if you have a steady paycheck and you're just steady at putting away money and 30 years down the line you'll have a million dollars, right?
  7. 30:23I want it to be where it's like, oh, you want to do Japan for your birthday?
  8. 41:33So, it's almost like what's the point now?
  9. 45:35If this was flipped around and you were $90,000 in debt and I was making money, I would want to try to help you get out of that debt.' And she was like, 'Is that your expectation for me?
  10. 46:22Like if this $120,000 comes through, I want to try to knock out that debt right away, you know?
  11. 51:27I would resent it as well, but like what's the consequences?
  12. 56:32... been trying to really eradicate a lot of these expectations, but like one of those things that it's like a weird gray area where this is on me because I did give to her and wanted to do that for her and should I expect the same treatment?
Ramit Sethi 0:00 ↗
On today's episode, is this going to be the end of my relationship on air? Meet Justin and Maggie.
Maggie 0:05 ↗
We're freelancers. We're really good at making money, not necessarily planning on how to spend it. I'm the responsible one right now.
Ramit Sethi 0:12 ↗
And who's he?
Maggie 0:13 ↗
Maybe the irresponsible one.
Ramit Sethi 0:15 ↗
Justin is 38. Maggie's 34. They've been dating for a couple of years. And Maggie does not want to combine finances with Justin.
Maggie 0:22 ↗
I just want some similar priorities and some similar game plan.
Ramit Sethi 0:26 ↗
Maggie spent her 20s traveling the world.
Maggie 0:30 ↗
I was traveling for 6 years out of a backpack and working from my laptop. My goal was to make good money.
Ramit Sethi 0:34 ↗
And now she's focused on the future.
Maggie 0:36 ↗
I want to save a bunch of money and that's the mindset I'm in.
Ramit Sethi 0:39 ↗
Justin also loves to travel and he wants a future with Maggie.
Justin 0:43 ↗
I definitely put experiences and living life before anything else.
Ramit Sethi 0:47 ↗
Now that Maggie is making life plans that might not include him, Justin feels hurt.
Justin 0:52 ↗
I just really didn't feel like there was a we or us. I was like, where do I fit in on this?
Maggie 0:57 ↗
I think it's safe to say that we're at a point where it's like if it doesn't change, it's not going to last.
Ramit Sethi 1:03 ↗
Now, let's meet Justin and Maggie.
I've got Justin and Maggie's CSP in front of me getting ready for our conversation. Check out what I noticed.
All right, let's take a look. Maggie and Justin. Maggie spent her 20s backpacking through different countries. She has big financial dreams. She wants stability. Justin grew up wealthy. He's run his own business but never really paid attention. Money comes, money goes. They started an LLC together for their YouTube channel on motorcycles. Justin wants to combine finances and their lives. Maggie doesn't want to get caught up in the financial mess. On the flip side, he feels like he supported Maggie financially and she's not willing to reciprocate that. Trust is an issue. She doesn't trust that he'll get his financial life together. Wow, there's a lot going on here.
All right, I'm looking now at their CSP. Looks like they have not combined their finances. That's fine. Her net worth is 45,000. His net worth is negative 63,000. She has 13,750 bucks invested. He has 7,000. She has 16,000 saved. He has 1,000. And wow, she has 15K of debt. He has 92K of debt. All right, let's go to the income. They make a pretty healthy income. 120 for her, 100 to 250k for him. That's a lot of income. $267,000 a year. Let's keep going.
I got to say, there's something fishy about these numbers. I wonder if there's some mixing of business in here. I've seen this before where sometimes numbers don't add up and it's usually one or both people are in a business and they're counting some of their business expenses and things like that. So maybe that's what's going on here. Let's keep going. 36% going towards guilt-free spending, which is $7,444. I doubt that that number is true. I think it just kind of flowed down to the bottom. My guess is that they could probably put more towards debt and pay that off aggressively.
My overall assessment: one, they make a lot of money. That part is good. Two, they have separate finances. That's okay. I'd like to understand more. Three, there's a bit of a disparity, not just in their spending, but certainly in their debt levels. And four, the way they treat money and they treat each other. There are little clues showing up here on the CSP, but it's really probably going to come out when I talk to them. So, I'm very interested to speak to them and see what's going on here.
Maggie 3:37 ↗
We are going to be moving next year and the question is, what can we afford? We're freelancers. I don't know anything about your situation. Just kind of wanted to get on the same page.
Ramit Sethi 3:46 ↗
First of all, do you talk about money?
Justin 3:47 ↗
No. Money's been a weird thing for me, but I was like, if I feel like I had somebody that I could tackle life with, like, this is her. But we just couldn't get there. It just didn't happen. But finally, it was like, hey, I'm going to put us on public display. We're going to talk about all the things that most people never talk about.
Ramit Sethi 4:05 ↗
Have you tried to talk about money in this relationship?
Maggie 4:08 ↗
Kind of. Yeah.
Ramit Sethi 4:09 ↗
How did it go?
Maggie 4:11 ↗
I set up a spreadsheet that I've been working off of last year and I was like, "What are your fixed costs a month? What are our goals?" Hey, put your numbers in here. Look at mine.
Ramit Sethi 4:21 ↗
Do you realize my question was, "How did you talk about money?" And your answer was, "I created a spreadsheet."
Maggie 4:27 ↗
Exactly.
Ramit Sethi 4:28 ↗
Anybody find that a little odd?
Maggie 4:29 ↗
Yeah.
Ramit Sethi 4:31 ↗
Okay. Well, that's what we're here today for. Talking about money, especially first few conversations, probably should not involve a spreadsheet. Okay. What was your reaction when you saw that spreadsheet by the way?
Maggie 4:41 ↗
I was like, great, here we go. I already hate doing money. I feel like I have an overwhelming situation in general. And then, you know, on top of that, it was just like we never talked about really anything, debt, goals.
Ramit Sethi 4:54 ↗
When you felt all these things, overwhelm, and there's complexity in your financial lives, what was your reaction with the spreadsheet? Did you fill it out?
Maggie 5:02 ↗
Yeah.
Ramit Sethi 5:03 ↗
Okay.
Maggie 5:03 ↗
For one month, then it stopped.
Ramit Sethi 5:05 ↗
Now, your finances are separate, correct?
Maggie 5:07 ↗
Kind of. We have a partnership with the YouTube channel.
Ramit Sethi 5:10 ↗
Okay. So, you have separate finances, but you have a joint venture and you make money through that, but you also make money independently.
Maggie 5:16 ↗
Yes.
Ramit Sethi 5:17 ↗
Okay. That's... I can see why it feels confusing, but it's quite common. The good news is there are solutions for this situation. All right. So, you both live together. How do you pay the rent or mortgage?
Maggie 5:31 ↗
One of us manages the rent and everybody because we have three adults in our household. Justin currently is taking care of rent. So, we send him rent, but I'm managing the bills. There was a period of time where I was managing the rent and Justin was managing the bills and we weren't able to get a number. I wasn't every month being like, "Okay, it was $250 for all the things. We have to split it." I just threw it on the credit card and stacked up a bunch of bills.
Ramit Sethi 5:59 ↗
Oh, why'd you do that?
Justin 6:00 ↗
Honestly, it was just sort of a set it and forget it. I screwed myself, honestly.
Ramit Sethi 6:06 ↗
Okay. What's a time in the last 6 months where the two of you really disagreed about money?
Justin 6:12 ↗
She doesn't like the way I spend my money on sunglasses.
Ramit Sethi 6:16 ↗
That's it? I don't think you guys flew across the country to talk about $100 sunglasses.
Maggie 6:20 ↗
I'm in the dark, I feel like, about his financial situation, but I can do simple math in my head sometimes and I'm like, "This is not adding up that you spent $400 on sunglasses this month." I think there's certain things where I'm just like, I don't spend money like that and I'm really on top of my expenses.
Justin 6:37 ↗
One thing that's been contentious and difficult and it's a really complicated situation overall is that our roommate is Maggie's best friend and she had a brain tumor a few years ago and had it removed, but it's the type of thing that eventually will come back.
Maggie 6:54 ↗
It is coming back.
Justin 6:55 ↗
Is coming back. And so she's going on medication now, but more or less all the disposable income or whatever Maggie is setting aside is going to taking care of her and her kids.
Maggie 7:07 ↗
She has two kids that live with us.
Justin 7:09 ↗
It's a tough situation to be in because I kind of feel like that's the priority and I'm not necessarily in that bubble.
Ramit Sethi 7:17 ↗
Meaning Maggie's friend and her children are the financial priority for Maggie, right? And you feel you're maybe second priority or not a priority at all in that regard. Okay. And what is the financial resources that you're putting behind your friend? Are you her caretaker?
Maggie 7:34 ↗
Not right now. There's things where I'll plan trips with them and I'll take care of everything.
Ramit Sethi 7:40 ↗
And does your friend, does she earn money?
Maggie 7:43 ↗
Yes, she does. One of my goals for all of us is that this financially we're splitting a house between three adults. This is a chance for all of us to like catch up on some finance things, but we weren't necessarily on the same page with that as well, too.
Ramit Sethi 7:59 ↗
Why not?
Maggie 8:00 ↗
I mean, I had it as my goal.
Ramit Sethi 8:01 ↗
Did you ever talk about that? Hey, it's going to be three of us splitting expenses, so this is a chance for us to pay off debt and get ahead.
Justin 8:07 ↗
Honestly, her and Ashley talked way more about finances and getting ahead than Maggie and I did.
Ramit Sethi 8:12 ↗
Have you ever talked about that?
Justin 8:13 ↗
Maggie was trying to convince me why we should have another adult and two children living in our house. And as part of that, it should be because we get to save more money.
Ramit Sethi 8:22 ↗
And your reaction was, "Sure." How would you characterize the dynamic of money in your household?
Maggie 8:27 ↗
I'm the responsible one right now.
Ramit Sethi 8:29 ↗
Okay. And who's he?
Maggie 8:30 ↗
Maybe the irresponsible one by default.
Ramit Sethi 8:34 ↗
Okay. What do you think about that?
Justin 8:36 ↗
Pretty accurate.
Ramit Sethi 8:38 ↗
Oh, okay. That makes my job easier.
Justin 8:41 ↗
There was a time though in the beginning of our relationship where it was very flipped. Like I was paying all the bills and some, you know, and you know, I helped out considerably when it came to finances.
Ramit Sethi 8:53 ↗
Were you making more?
Justin 8:55 ↗
I was making a lot more.
Ramit Sethi 8:56 ↗
Okay. You're making more. So, you were paying the majority of the bills. And when you say and more, what's that?
Justin 9:02 ↗
So, for the first year that we were together, Maggie was doing this influencer thing and I wanted to help her out. So, I was like, "How about I put you on payroll and, you know, you can help me with some stuff. I need to redo my website and, you know, maybe you can help me come up with some strategy for a business."
Maggie 9:21 ↗
That kept me afloat. And at the time, he was making money. He was paying another full-time employee and had an office. And I didn't know his situation. And I think right off the bat, I haven't known exactly what his situation was. And that was where it started. And then a lot of that it felt like was getting held over my head and I was like, "Okay, we need to move away from this dynamic. I don't want that to be a part of our relationship." And I went and started finding work and found jobs and started holding my own. And then I was like, "Okay, cool." Like, I still didn't know what his situation was. I'm like, "You should be in a much better place now that I'm not such a strain on it."
Ramit Sethi 9:59 ↗
Did you say that?
Maggie 10:00 ↗
No, not necessarily.
Ramit Sethi 10:02 ↗
Did you not talk about this kind of stuff at all?
Maggie 10:04 ↗
We kind of talk about it. There was just a lot of like struggle with relationship stuff that we were working through and to have money tied into it, like I think that's also added to the maybe the aversion to talk about it.
Ramit Sethi 10:16 ↗
Whose aversion?
Maggie 10:17 ↗
Both of us.
Justin 10:18 ↗
Finance is always the tricky thing. It's cause it can cause a lot of trouble in a relationship. It's sometimes subjective. I mean whether I'm spending $200 on a pair of glasses for me that makes sense and that doesn't make sense for somebody else.
Ramit Sethi 10:31 ↗
It's interesting you say that with the sunglasses example. I agree. It might make sense for you. Your partner might think it doesn't make sense, but it seems to me that you both don't have a way of deciding if that's a good decision or not. How would you decide right now if buying $200 sunglasses is a good decision or not?
Justin 10:51 ↗
I think that Maggie would feel much more confident in my choice of spending $200 on sunglasses if she knew that I had my finances handled.
Ramit Sethi 11:00 ↗
Do you?
Justin 11:02 ↗
Absolutely not.
Ramit Sethi 11:03 ↗
Okay.
Justin 11:04 ↗
I shouldn't have been buying $200 sunglasses.
Ramit Sethi 11:06 ↗
Okay, that's all right. So, Maggie, your concern, it's probably warranted.
Maggie 11:12 ↗
Yeah.
Ramit Sethi 11:12 ↗
But when you express the concern, how's it received?
Maggie 11:15 ↗
It just doesn't come off right. I just know that there's been a bit of a blind eye turned to them. It feels like cuz it was happening when we split bills last year to the point where I was like, "How about I manage that because it seems like it's a lot." Anytime rent was paid, we asked, "What do we owe for bills?" and he's like, "I need to take a look at it" was the answer. And then it wouldn't get taken a look at and I mean, there's a lot going on. No, we probably should have hounded him, but it got to the point where we hadn't paid anything in a couple months. And I was just, I did say like, I know this is stacking up and we can't back pay. So, let me manage that. And you just handle the rent part cuz it's a flat rate every month. We divide it three ways. We always know what it is. It's all the same.
Ramit Sethi 11:56 ↗
And is that where you are now?
Maggie 11:58 ↗
Yeah, that's where we're at now.
Ramit Sethi 12:00 ↗
Any different opinion on what happened?
Justin 12:02 ↗
They asked a couple times and then what happened is later on when we started doing spreadsheets and looking at the bills, I was like, I've been paying for the bills the whole time and it's been going on my credit card and it's stacked up a couple thousand worth of bills at this point. And then she was like, oh well, we asked, you know, and you never gave us an answer, so we're not going to back pay you now and you're going to have to take care of that. And then moving forward, we'll switch over. I'll take care of the utilities and then you can take the rent.
Ramit Sethi 12:33 ↗
Is that what happened? You did not get the back pay.
Justin 12:35 ↗
No, I did not get.
Ramit Sethi 12:37 ↗
Why is that?
Maggie 12:38 ↗
It had just stacked up a lot. Like it was to a point where it was like it hit a tipping point where it was like I don't even know where we stand on this cuz he had been managing it.
Ramit Sethi 12:47 ↗
Justin, it sounds like you were probably not as forthcoming communicating about what's owed every single month.
Justin 12:54 ↗
I agree.
Ramit Sethi 12:55 ↗
He's probably owed back pay, right? Even though it might be difficult, you can't write a check all at once. I can understand now. Are you frustrated by the back pay still?
Maggie 13:02 ↗
Kind of.
Ramit Sethi 13:04 ↗
How much is owed?
Justin 13:06 ↗
That's a great question. Like I need to go back and figure that out.
Ramit Sethi 13:09 ↗
You mentioned you're responsible in this dynamic and you called him irresponsible. What are we talking about?
Maggie 13:15 ↗
Just being aware. I wouldn't say like I'm on top of everything, but I definitely have a lot more awareness and that's all it is. I'm setting aside my savings. I should be saving more, but I'm hitting what I set out to save every single month.
Ramit Sethi 13:30 ↗
So, is that what you want from Justin?
Maggie 13:32 ↗
Yeah.
Ramit Sethi 13:32 ↗
Have you told him that?
Maggie 13:34 ↗
No. I don't want him to not go to Starbucks when he wants to or not buy sunglasses he wants to. I just think he's been doing that without consciously making a plan to pay off the debt that he's got.
Ramit Sethi 13:45 ↗
What if he doesn't? Cuz some people are aware, but they choose to make different decisions than you might.
Maggie 13:50 ↗
It's not that he doesn't get to do those things. I don't want those things stripped away. I just want it to come after the okay, I put the chunk that I need to towards debt. I have a plan for it cuz there's things that we've discussed recently when I was like eventually I want to build a mini farm and have an A-frame house on a piece of property in southern Utah. He's like, well, where do I fit into that plan? I'm like, this is my plan cuz I don't know where you sit and I need to be met halfway to even think of a plan with you on this. It's my dream right now cuz I'm saving for it.
Justin 14:20 ↗
She was like, I just don't trust you. And how can I put my name and or our names together on anything?
Ramit Sethi 14:26 ↗
You said that in different words, but kind of I don't feel like I can trust that you've got things handled. Why didn't you trust him?
Maggie 14:35 ↗
Because he seemed to be struggling quite a bit and I just didn't know. I should have asked more.
Ramit Sethi 14:44 ↗
Is the goal that the two of you stay together for the long term?
Maggie 14:50 ↗
Hope so.
Ramit Sethi 14:51 ↗
Okay. And is the goal that you get married or no?
Maggie 14:54 ↗
No.
Ramit Sethi 14:56 ↗
No. Okay. Wait, that was interesting. She says no. What do you say?
Justin 15:00 ↗
There's a part of me that wants to get married and we've had this conversation and this is a step in the right direction of being able to be trusted enough for her to marry me one day.
Ramit Sethi 15:09 ↗
I guess what I'm trying to understand is what does your future together look like? Because maybe it involves marriage, maybe not. That's fine. But when I hear about things like building a house in southern Utah and then Justin, you very pointedly say, "Where do I fit in?" And I hear this answer that is, "Well, this is my plan."
Justin 15:30 ↗
As part of this farm conversation, honestly, it was pretty tough. I was pretty hurt because I just felt like she's like, "I'm going off." And you know she had property for her best friend that she was including on this land and there wasn't any conversation of me even having a room there and definitely not being a part of helping build it. I just really didn't feel like there was a we or us or I was part of the conversation and I brought it up. I was like, you know, where do I fit in on this? And she's like, well, you don't. I need to build something so I have some sort of passive income. And then she looked at me and said, what's yours? This is my dream. What's yours?
And that was the kind of like, damn it, this is why I like this girl so much, you know, because it really did light a fire under my ass. Following her dream of building a farm in Utah doesn't need to be my dream, you know, and so I can go over here and start doing something else, you know, and I have my own ways of potentially making passive income.
Ramit Sethi 16:25 ↗
Was that a satisfying answer to you?
Maggie 16:28 ↗
Yeah. It wasn't like, I'm going to go live on this farm and homestead for 10 years is not the plan. It was like, "How do I pick a piece of land that's in a corridor to national parks and I could short-term rental it, can be traveling wherever we want and stuff like that."
Ramit Sethi 16:41 ↗
So, it seems like the two of you have talked about it.
Maggie 16:44 ↗
Yeah.
Ramit Sethi 16:44 ↗
Seems like you have a plan. What's the problem?
Maggie 16:47 ↗
I think the big one has been like making plans together.
Ramit Sethi 16:51 ↗
Hold on. You both just spent five minutes telling me how you have concluded you're going to make separate plans and you don't need to be together. What am I missing?
A lot of double talk here, and that's okay. This is common in relationships. This is what a third party can help us point out. These murky alleyways that we tend to get stuck in in our relationship and how to shine a light and find our way out of them. Did you notice that they both started the episode by using jokes to avoid uncomfortable conversations?
Out of respect for my guests, I don't let them get away with that. My guests take a lot of time and preparation to see me. In this case, they flew across the country to be here. So, I won't let them use the usual evasion techniques to get out of a substantive conversation, even if they are employing them unconsciously. That's why I'm going to occasionally bring them back on track, even if it feels a little uncomfortable.
Now, Maggie sees herself as responsible and Justin as irresponsible. Justin is resentful that Maggie won't reimburse him for those utility bills that he covered. They don't talk about money. She's making plans for building a farm in Utah without him. And they say the problem is making plans together.
Maggie 18:03 ↗
I'm very much a like I'm not going to get involved. It's a lot of extreme independence, but I'm like I'm just going to handle my stuff. And I think I haven't sat down and even thought about what I want for my partner. I want someone to meet me halfway.
There's been some contention in the last year where I said something about helping my friend out. I was like, if she has to start chemo, like, I can pay her her way. I've saved up enough to cover her expenses for 3 months. And I got a weird reaction from him. He felt not prioritized and all this. And I just didn't know where it was coming from, but now understanding he was really struggling financially. So that's where he was expecting a partner to maybe help a little bit more, but I didn't know that was the expectation. So, we both haven't been able to know what the other person expects of each other or haven't openly talked about, I think, what we want from our partners financially, and that's probably a big reason of why we're here, too.
Ramit Sethi 19:02 ↗
Do you have anything that's going to force you to make a decision coming up? Cuz you could go like this for years.
Maggie 19:08 ↗
There's multiple things going on. So, my friend is going to start treatment in January, and the first 3 months is going to be the most toughest. So, I'm wanting to stay and kind of like chill on the travel, all of that to kind of be closer. And then the lease is going to be up, but we're going to extend it month to month until the kids are done school so it's not disrupting that. But then throughout that process, possibly Justin's going to move and start setting up the next place.
Ramit Sethi 19:33 ↗
Right now, you live together, but you're going to move somewhere on your own. And what are you going to do there?
Justin 19:37 ↗
Sleep, eat, work out. What else? Make money.
Ramit Sethi 19:42 ↗
What's going on right now? Like I feel like you guys are really good at talking, but you're both avoiding talking about the reason that you're here. So, do you guys want to get real with me? Why are we here?
Justin 19:53 ↗
I'm not expecting you to pay my debt, but like there are couples who came together where one person was making $40,000 a year and the other made significantly more, but they both worked on it together. And it wasn't just about making a spreadsheet and helping her husband figure it out on his own. It was like, we're going to do this together.
And very much so for me, a lot of this has been like I feel like one foot's out the door always. There's this like safety measure of like, all right, if this relationship doesn't work, then I'm out. And then the other side of it, too, is like I just feel like a lot of the weight on all these things, it's like we just have to stay in our own lane.
Ramit Sethi 20:36 ↗
Are you guys together or not?
Maggie 20:38 ↗
I think we're getting more on the same page.
Ramit Sethi 20:40 ↗
How can that be? He's about to move out.
Justin 20:42 ↗
I told him, I want to move into a situation that one of us can handle because then as soon as I move into the house, if I need to pay for everything, all our expenses, fixed costs, all of that, so that you can go aggressively tackle that, we have a plan together and we have more resources. I've been planning and pushing towards like something that I know I can manage so that I can help. I mean, I like giving. I like taking care of people that I care about. And sometimes I get pretty spread thin, but we'll be able to tackle these things together next year. And that's the ultimate goal.
Ramit Sethi 21:14 ↗
What is the goal specifically?
Maggie 21:16 ↗
That we can live in the same place and a place that's well below our means so he can tackle debt and I can save like I want to.
Ramit Sethi 21:22 ↗
Do you agree that your goal is to live together, live beneath your means so that you can pay off debt aggressively?
Justin 21:30 ↗
My goal is to live with her. But as far as the debt and all that stuff, like that's something that's, this is new for me. This is literally like opening up your book and getting all my numbers down on a piece of paper and then being like, "Holy, I really need to get myself out of this situation."
Ramit Sethi 21:47 ↗
So, is that your plan to pay off debt?
Justin 21:49 ↗
Absolutely, 100%.
Ramit Sethi 21:51 ↗
More circular reasoning here, but I'm starting to see glimmers of what's actually going on. Both of them pride themselves on their extreme independence. That's their identity. But that identity becomes hard to reconcile with wanting to be together, especially when being together involves tradeoffs. It's almost like these identities are butting heads.
I can understand why Maggie is frustrated about how Justin handles money. But I also find that this dynamic happens when one partner begins on a financial journey and the other doesn't. This is really common. The person who's starting their journey gets frustrated with their partner. Why aren't you engaging? Why aren't you doing this with me? Not realizing that a few years ago they themselves were ignoring money.
Now, if you want to know how to re-calibrate your relationship so that your partner also gets involved with money, I talk about this very specifically with word-for-word scripts in my new book, Money for Couples. You can get it at iwt.com/moneyforcouples. And now listen to this. Justin tells me about his financial journey growing up and it's something I have never heard before.
What do you remember your parents or family saying about money when you were young?
Justin 23:06 ↗
We really didn't talk about money but I grew up with Ferraris in the garage and really...
Ramit Sethi 23:10 ↗
Oh yeah. Wow.
Justin 23:11 ↗
Like extreme wealth.
Ramit Sethi 23:13 ↗
Mom or dad was the higher earner?
Justin 23:14 ↗
Dad.
Ramit Sethi 23:15 ↗
Dad was a high earner. Like extreme high earner.
Justin 23:17 ↗
Extreme.
Ramit Sethi 23:17 ↗
How much do you think he made?
Justin 23:18 ↗
A million dollars a day.
Ramit Sethi 23:20 ↗
A day?
Justin 23:21 ↗
At one point.
Ramit Sethi 23:22 ↗
At one point. Yeah. What'd he do?
Justin 23:24 ↗
He managed a hedge fund and he had his own firm and he also got in a lot of trouble. I kind of grew up as having the dad of Wolf of Wall Street. But not a bad guy. I think that he was working in Wall Street at a time when it was the Wild Wild West. And when they started to put some rules down, they were making examples out of people. And the government was going after his former partner and they used my dad to take him down and it didn't quite go to my dad's advantage.
Ramit Sethi 23:54 ↗
What happened to him?
Justin 23:55 ↗
Incarcerated.
Ramit Sethi 23:56 ↗
Oh, wow. Tell me.
Justin 23:58 ↗
So, he got put in a minimum security prison and decided one day that he didn't want to be there anymore. So my mom packed us up in a minivan and we went to Colorado and my dad suddenly opens the door and gets in the minivan and then we...
Ramit Sethi 24:14 ↗
What?
Justin 24:15 ↗
Drove out to San Diego and hopped on our sailboat and sailed across the South Pacific for 3 years as fugitives.
Ramit Sethi 24:22 ↗
And then when you came back cuz you're here in the US now, did he get rearrested?
Justin 24:27 ↗
Oh, he got arrested in New Zealand. We got busted there.
Ramit Sethi 24:30 ↗
Just to share how different my childhood was. We also had a minivan, but when it opened up, my dad would have handed me a spelling bee book and said, "Why are you not reading this right now?"
Justin 24:40 ↗
Yeah. Mine was like, "Here's how we're gonna be fugitives."
Ramit Sethi 24:44 ↗
How much money do you think your family had when you were growing up?
Justin 24:48 ↗
Probably tens of millions.
Ramit Sethi 24:50 ↗
Does your dad still have a lot of money?
Justin 24:51 ↗
The money that he had from his Wall Street days kind of got squandered.
Ramit Sethi 24:57 ↗
What's his financial status now?
Justin 24:58 ↗
He's got nothing.
Ramit Sethi 25:00 ↗
Wow.
Justin 25:00 ↗
Yeah.
Ramit Sethi 25:01 ↗
What messages did you take away from going from extreme wealth to not having a lot of money?
Justin 25:07 ↗
Yeah. Right. I have a funny relationship with money. I mean, I just, I don't think I value it the same as most people. When I first got started in filmmaking, I was working for this guy and one day he goes, "You grew up with money, didn't you?" And I was like, "Yeah, how'd you know that? Because I'm not, you know, flaunting anything." And he's like, "I can tell cuz you're just not hungry like other people are."
And I was like, "What do you mean by that?" And he's like, "Well, you know, people who grew up with no money will bend over backwards." And you know, and to me, it just seems like you always have a fallback plan. And I took that to heart and changed my work ethic quite a bit because of that.
The cool thing about growing up with money is that you're not afraid to take risks. And that's very true. I feel like a lot of the reason that I've gotten as far as I have in my career and doing the things that I do is because I mean I'll go all in, you know, and I do believe in those lottery tickets. I do believe that, you know, yes, I've been reading your book and if you have a steady paycheck and you're just steady at putting away money and 30 years down the line you'll have a million dollars, right? Like I know that's true, but I also do know that sometimes if you take a big enough risk, a calculated risk, that the reward can be huge.
Ramit Sethi 26:23 ↗
Maggie, what do you make of the story? What is your take hearing it?
Maggie 26:27 ↗
It's made for some really interesting adult problems with money for sure. With the money situation, it's like it just comes and it flows through Justin and like water...
Ramit Sethi 26:40 ↗
Yeah, exactly.
Maggie 26:41 ↗
It just is very, there's like not a lot of thought given to it cuz it's like even when it's not an unlimited resource, it's treated as such.
Ramit Sethi 26:50 ↗
Do you mean that money comes, money goes, if you're raised with millions and millions of dollars, it starts to become so abstract, you're just like whatever. If it's not here today, there'll be another way tomorrow.
Maggie 27:03 ↗
Yeah. And I think for me, I would say money is freedom. I think when you work hard and you make money, you can free up your time. If you manage your money well, you can live really well.
Ramit Sethi 27:12 ↗
What does it mean to you, Justin?
Justin 27:13 ↗
I just wish we didn't rely on it. I live a rich life, but I'm not rich for sure. I definitely put experiences and living life before anything else.
Ramit Sethi 27:24 ↗
Do you agree or disagree, Maggie?
Maggie 27:26 ↗
I agree.
Ramit Sethi 27:27 ↗
Okay, so you're both on the same page on that.
Maggie 27:29 ↗
Yeah.
Ramit Sethi 27:30 ↗
Experiences above accumulation. Well, hold on. That's shifted for you now.
Maggie 27:36 ↗
Had a really different perspective shift. Prior to the pandemic, I was traveling for six years out of a backpack and working from my laptop. My goal was to eventually figure out a way to be a six-figure hobo. I don't want to be tied to any destination, but I want to make good money. And then on my 30th birthday, I was on the beach in Thailand with $5 to my name. And I'm like, I have not figured out the six-figure hobo thing. And I'm not saving. I'm not doing anything like that. And that was when a big shift happened.
Ramit Sethi 28:01 ↗
What has changed for you?
Maggie 28:02 ↗
I'm prioritizing saving. It means a lot more what I leave for my friend's kids if anything were to happen to me. Like I'm crazy Aunt Maggie and I think they'll always be in my life. So leaving something for them. Being able to have the time to spend with them. Being able to save money, not necessarily buy a farm, but I would like to do stuff like that. Like what's the next financial goal that I could like strive for and make happen, have a retirement, which I've never thought about before.
Ramit Sethi 28:28 ↗
So is it fair to say that both of you prioritized experiences in your 20s and now Maggie you are much more conscious of things like retirement, savings rate, etc. And Justin maybe not and that's causing conflict?
Justin 28:44 ↗
Definitely. Yeah. When Maggie and I got together I was like, sick. Now I have somebody who's down to go to India. We won't make any money but we also will break even. You know, so life experience. Cha-ching. Totally right. And I thought that that's who I had by my side. And suddenly she was like, "No, no, no. Wait, hold on. I got to put aside. I got a 401k." She's like, "What about the debt?"
Ramit Sethi 29:06 ↗
Yeah. Right. Okay, fair enough. This happens when couples meet and then one partner changes and it causes a lot of conflict and there's either a recalibration or a separation. Sounds like you're both trying to recalibrate. What about things like retirement? What about if one of you gets sick or you want to leave money to the niece and nephew, etc.? How do you do that?
Maggie 29:27 ↗
Actually, finally having these open conversations about money has shifted our ability to talk about that and figure it out. One thing that has been a healthy part of this conversation, especially around finances, is that one thing we both agreed that we really would like to do in the future is sail around the world on a sailboat.
Justin 29:49 ↗
And that's like way off.
Maggie 29:50 ↗
Something we're working towards together to get there, but it is sort of a retirement plan and...
So there is this like future that's a ways out that we've both decided that is what we both want to do. And as part of this conversation about finances, it's been like how much does a boat cost? How much are we going to need every month to be able to survive on it? So it's opened up some conversations on like what do we need to do to get to that point? What do we need to put aside? And do I need to hustle now? Do I need to give up on some of these other things?
Ramit Sethi 30:20 ↗
How much do you need specifically?
Maggie 30:21 ↗
We don't know yet. We have to figure that out.
Justin 30:23 ↗
What we've been good at is it's like, cool, we want to do something. We can make money up here like that. And then all of a sudden it's gone. We're right back where we were before we started. I want it to be where it's like, oh, you want to do Japan for your birthday? Let's just talk about it 6 months out. And we already have funds. We already know that that's a part of what we love doing together.
Maggie 30:43 ↗
I don't want to stop travel. I don't want him to not be able to go to Japan. I want it to be something we work into our plan.
Ramit Sethi 30:48 ↗
Do you think that you're on track to be able to live that kind of life where you're talking 6 months, 12 months, 2 years out?
Maggie 30:54 ↗
I don't think we're on track right now, but I think that's why we're here is that we're having those conversations.
Ramit Sethi 30:59 ↗
I'm glad you're having the conversations, but there's a lot more to making changes than having conversations. It seems like things have changed in the last month. That's awesome. But what's next? We can talk about things forever. We can spin, but we need to actually make some tangible financial changes.
If you enjoy these videos, you want to be the first to know when a new one drops, make sure you hit that subscribe button right now. It really helps my team and me grow this channel. Let's take a look at your CSP. So, let's see. Maggie, can you read off the word in bold and then the numbers next to them?
Maggie 31:35 ↗
We'll split these out cuz we're separate. So, assets 42,821 for me. 21,000 for Justin. Investments 13,750 and 7,000 for Justin. Savings 16,657 for me and 1,313 for Justin. And debt 15,389 for me. And Justin has 92,950.
Ramit Sethi 32:03 ↗
Okay, great. Total net worth for you Maggie is 45,000 and for you Justin is negative 63,000. Okay. What do you both think about these numbers?
Maggie 32:14 ↗
Like to be in a different place at the end of next year.
Justin 32:17 ↗
I mean that sucks.
Ramit Sethi 32:18 ↗
Okay. So, both of you are not happy with the numbers.
Maggie 32:21 ↗
Yeah.
Ramit Sethi 32:21 ↗
Okay. Let's go on to the income. Justin, go ahead and read off both incomes if you don't mind.
Justin 32:28 ↗
Okay. Gross monthly income for Maggie is $9,250 and for me it is $12,100 on average.
Ramit Sethi 32:38 ↗
Okay. So total you are making $21,350 a month.
Justin 32:44 ↗
Yeah.
Ramit Sethi 32:44 ↗
All right. $256,000. That's a lot of money.
Maggie 32:47 ↗
Yeah.
Ramit Sethi 32:47 ↗
And you live in Vegas. Would you agree that your income is impressive, especially if you were to look at it together?
Maggie 32:54 ↗
Yeah.

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APA

Sethi, R. (2025, January 7). “Is our relationship going to end on air?” [Interview transcript]. I Will Teach You To Be Rich. CEOInterviews.AI. https://ceointerviews.ai/interview/3075986/

MLA

Ramit Sethi. "“Is our relationship going to end on air?”." I Will Teach You To Be Rich, 7 Jan. 2025. Transcript, CEOInterviews.AI, https://ceointerviews.ai/interview/3075986/.

BibTeX
@misc{sethi2025_3075986,
  author       = {Ramit Sethi},
  title        = {“Is our relationship going to end on air?”},
  howpublished = {Interview transcript, I Will Teach You To Be Rich. CEOInterviews.AI},
  year         = {2025},
  month        = {jan},
  url          = {https://ceointerviews.ai/interview/3075986/},
  note         = {Speaker-attributed transcript with timestamps}
}